Just the beginnig
by DestinedForDisaster
Summary: Jac and Ollie's relationship develops but with so many obstacles in their way, will they be able to find happieness? Sorry if anyone's a bit OOC but remember, it's always the quiet ones! Jac/Oliver/ChantelleSacha/Chrissie/Tara/Elliott/Joseph/Connie/Greg/Sahira/Michael/Ric/Luc/Eddi... so basically everyone! Please Review, means a lot! COMPLETE! :
1. Chapter 1

**My first fic so please give me some ideas and tips! I'll update ASAP! x**

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><p>It wasn't the first time I'd thought about it, but this time I was sure. I am falling in love with Oliver.<p>

Not that I'm going to do anything about it, I'm Jac Naylor for god's sake, but he's Oliver Valentine and… no, shut up. Then, there's a loud knock on the door. Talk of the devil, angel.

He looks at me, I can see the warmth in his big, blue eyes. it's now or never. I stand up and walk over to him, put my hands around his neck and kiss him, I'm taken by surprise when he begins kissing me back. The kiss begins to get more passionate as he puts he's hands up my shirt, rubbing my back gently. When we break apart I can't help but want more.

'I'm going to the on call room, care to join me Dr Valentine' that was the first word I'd said to him all morning. he doesn't answer, he just puts his hands on my hips and steers me out of my office. We walk into the on call room, making sure nobody sees us. As soon as I lock the door, he pushes me onto the single bed, kissing me passionately…

When I awake about an half an hour later to see a sleeping Oliver laid next to me. He looks so peaceful, the rising and falling of his muscly chest the only thing telling me he's still alive. When his pager beeps I jump to answer it and stop it from waking him up. . I look at it, cardiac arrest, bay 4. I jump out of be pulling the scattered items of clothing, back on.

I rush to bay 4, Sahira's there performing cardiac massage. I grab the paddles before shouting 'clear'. After a few attempts of trying to save him, he dies.

Sahira looks up at me 'why did you come when Ollie was paged, not you.'

I'm speechless.

'you think that I don't know why. I don't miss anything, you must have realised that by now. You, miss Naylor have just slept wi-' I cut her off by putting my hand over mouth, stopping her from blabbing out what she'd just discovered.

'Ok, I get it but since when have you two been, you know' she asks, removing my hand from her mouth.

I just look at her before saying 'follow me' she does as she's told, following me to my office.

'Right before you say anything, I know about you and Greg, so unless you want to lose a husband and a job in one day, I suggest you keep your mouth shut' she looks up at me opened mouthed. 'that's right princess, so you going to keep your mouth or not' she just carries on gawping at me. 'Okay I guess I'd best get to the point. Yes, I did sleep with Ollie and yes I do intend on doing I so again.'

'Oh my god, I'm so pleased for you two' she says pulling me into a hug. I struggle to get away from her.

'Do that again and your fires' I say sarcastically.

'So, how long has this been going on for, you two did it in the Keller locker room about two years ago right.'

'How did you know about that' I ask, surprised.

At that moment Ollie bursts through the door saying 'Jac, you weren't there when I woke up' he stops abruptly noticing Sahira.

'Don't worry I know' she says reassuringly before leaving.

'I had to, Mr Grange, bay 4 died' he then kisses me again, slipping his tongue into my mouth. But we're rudely interrupted by Elliott coming in with more useless equipment, for Ukraine. He just stands there with a massive grin on his face. 'Umm… we…. Umm' I mutter trying to think of the best thing to say. To be honest I'd never been in a position like this before.

'Don't worry, Jac, Oliver, your secrets safe with me' he tells us sitting down at his desk. Ollie kisses me again gently before leaving. 'So you two, huh. I knew about you two in the locker room, but let's face it, who didn't. Anyway I thought that was just a 'fling' or a 'one night stand' as you young folk call.'

'Well, to be honest, right now I don't know what we are right now. So I can't say anything until I do' He looks at me with a bewildered expression on his face. 'What's so surprising about that' I ask.

'Well, for a start you didn't shout at me for asking' he says simply.


	2. Chapter 2

I received a phone call from Ollie before I could say anything to Elliott. 'Hiya' I said as Elliott sat at his desk smirking.

'Hey, I was thinking would you… umm… would… umm…' He said awkwardly.

'Spit it out' I said in a jokey but harsh voice.

'Would you like to come to mine tonight' He asked hurriedly.

'Meet in reception at ten, ok' I said to him. Elliott now trying to contain his laughter.

'Bye then'

'Bye.'

Elliott let out a loud laugh and said 'I never thought I'd see the day when Jac Naylor was lovey dovey over the phone.' With that irritating comment I stormed out of the office to do my rounds.

Later I met Ollie in the café. He'd already bought me a latte and passed to me before slipping his hand into mine. We walked out of the hospital together Sacha and Chrissie standing there gawping at us. We didn't care who saw us, we were happy and that was all that mattered.

When we got back to his, we sort of cooked dinner together. If you could call burning some toast as we were too busy snogging, cooking. Well we gave up on dinner and carried on with what we were doing before we'd been rudely interrupted by the toaster. Instead we settled with glass after glass of wine, followed by vodka and other spirits.

By the time we sat down, we were very drunk. Then, Ollie took the glass of wine from my hand, settling it down on the coffee table. He took my face in his hands, brushing his lips against mine. We were just sat on the sofa making out for about ten minutes before we parted. Ollie then pulled me off the sofa and led me to his bedroom.

After we'd finished, we just lay there thinking about each other. I felt safe with his arms wrapped around me, I felt as if he was purposely trying to protect me. I hadn't been held like this since Joseph left. Ok, there had been a couple of one night stands, maybe more than a couple but I don't sleep with just anyone. I even spent the night with Shaun after Freya left, big mistake. Nice mistake, but definitely a mistake.

'Jac' Ollie said lazily, disturbing me from my day dream.

'Yes'

'Jac, are you crying?'

'No' I said hastily, wiping the hot tears from my red cheeks.

'Yes you are. What's wrong, you can tell' he said rolling me over to face him.

'I'm fine. It's just I was thinking about Joseph and Freya and Shaun and everything' I replied, holding him closer to me.

'What happened with Shaun, did you two…' he trailed off hoping I'd get the gist.

'Yes, the night Freya left. I got stupidly drunk, so did he. We left together, shared a cab and things went on from there. We decided that it was a onetime thing and a week later he was moved to St. James's. We've texted each other as friends, but nothing more.'

'Wow, I wasn't expecting that. You, Miss Naylor, are friends with Peter Pan!' He exclaimed, then, I grabbed a pillow and hit him round the head with it. 'You're going to pay for that Naylor' he shouted as he began hitting me with his pillow.

One thing I'd never thought I'd ever be doing is having a pillow fight, let alone with Ollie. We carried on hitting each other until I slipped off the bed, whacking my head on the bed post.

'Jac, can you hear me, sweetheart?' he said worriedly.

'Shut up' is all I could muster, my head was spinning. He helped me to my feet, reassuring me that I'd be fine. I got back into bed with Ollie's help. I went back to sleep, Ollie by my side.

When I woke up again, there was a cup of freshly made coffee by my side and a grinning Ollie sitting at the foot of the bed.

'Worst hangover in history' I said sarcastically whilst getting out of bed.

'That and a knock to the head.' I began to put some clothes on, I felt a little uncomfortable doing so with Ollie standing there watching. 'Out you' I said to him, finding his stare unbearable. With that he left to let me get ready alone.

Before going to work, we stopped off at a café to get some breakfast. I just got a coffee, whilst Ollie had a latte and a slice off coffee cake. I couldn't resist having a little bit of the rich icing. We talked about what we were to do with the gossip at work. We decided to stay as professional as was necessary but not to deny anything either. We then gossiped ourselves about Greg and Sahira and Dan and Malick.

When we arrived at the hospital, we were met by stares and whispering. We just carried on walking hand in hand. Through reception, into the lift and up to Darwin. All the way people just stopped what they were doing and watched us.

It began to get on my nerves and Ollie sensed that as he said 'They'll get over it, they always do.' I smiled up at him. 'I'm not saying that it won't be all over Holby by the time we get to Darwin, but who cares'

'I don't.' I said as we walked into the locker room. We put our stuff away and noticing that we were a little early, we decided to stay in the locker room for a while before having to face the music. We decided to leave separately so that it wouldn't make it so obvious. But as I walked out of the room, I was greeted by a rather distraught Chantelle. She glared me and said something under her breath then walked away…


	3. Chapter 3

I carried on walking to see a grinning Sahira; I walked past her, not in the mood for talking. But to my displeasure, she followed me. I got to office Sahira still behind me. 'Are you fully intent on making me want to hit you?' I asked her, sarcasm dripping from every word.

'Well, I thought you might want to know why Chantelle is going to try and kill you, but if not.' She said, beginning to walk away.

'What?' I said, not really bothered if she told me or not.

'Basically, she's in love with Ollie and Chantelle is going to try get you back in some way. She is going to get to you Jac so be careful, and also Lleucu is right behind her.'

'You are kidding right?' I said sarcastically, she nodded. 'And what gives you this great insight?'

'I heard them talking last night; she said that she was going to make you pay in the worst possible way. Whatever she means by that, but I wouldn't think she'd hurt a fly.' She replied.

'It's always the quiet ones, thanks Sahira, means a lot.' I said pretending to be nice. Honestly, I'd like to see Chantelle try. Anyway why would princess want to help me? Then, my pager went off; Sahira again followed me to the problem. Now I got to do the fun bit.

I jumped on to the bed, performing cardiac massage. 'Theatre, NOW!' I shouted, Tara and Greg already wheeling the bed. I managed to save him, after spending hours in theatre. Not that I dislike being in theatre, I love it. It's just; I would have preferred to have been by someone other than the leprechaun.

On my break I met up with Ollie, Chantelle at the table next to us, glaring all the while. I began to get an uneasy feeling, so I decided to go somewhere else 'Ollie, it's such a nice day, do you want to go sit outside.' I said trying to produce a smile.

'Yeah, sure.' He said as we walked outside. 'But you can at the very least tell me the real reason for you wanting to come outside'.

'It's nothing. I just feel a little uncomfortable around Chantelle right now. But it's fine, nothing to worry about.' I said hoping that he wouldn't ask why, and to my relief, he didn't.

The next few weeks went fine, the whispering died down and everybody but Chantelle accepted us. The Tuesday, three weeks after we'd got together, there was a major RTA and with Elliott away, helping out in Ukraine, I was lead consultant. Darwin was hectic, patients and relative everywhere. Greg, Sahira, Ollie, Tara, Chantelle, Mary-Claire and I were going to have to work as a team together to get through this day.

Tara and I were at reception waiting for a patient with severe cardiac trauma. We rushed the 23 year old women up to Darwin and into theatre to remove a gear stick from her chest.

We had successfully removed it but there was still blood everywhere 'We've got a bleed, can I get dome more light and suction!' I shouted. 'His BPs dropping, Mary-Claire, page Sahira'

'She's not here, in an ambulance CTU. Greg's in theatre one with Ollie.' She said.

'Just page Ollie' Mary-Claire paged him whilst we tried to stabilise the patient. But things were made a whole lot worse when Tara fainted and hit her head and knocked herself out.

'Get Ollie in here now!' I shouted trying to stop the bleed whilst Chantelle rushed in to help Tara. Whilst Chantelle tried to revive an unconscious Tara, Ollie arrived and tried to stop the bleed. But by doing so he really upset Chantelle who eventually stormed out. 'Nurse Lane Come back NOW' I shouted at her. She just carried on running.

'Jac do you want to do deal with Tara, seeing as you have more experience with head trauma than I do.' He started to laugh at me as I left the table and knelt down next to Tara, starting to put her into the recovery position. Then I ran to get a trolley and Mary-Claire helped me to lift her onto it. We took her to HDU and I began to stitch the wound on her head.

When she woke up again, I was sat on her bed trying to insert a cannula into her right arm. 'Miss Naylor, what happened?' She asked me, a puzzled expression on her face.

'Well once again Dr Lo, you fainted, but this time you banged your head. You're going to be fine but we will be keeping you here overnight.' I explained. Chantelle entered the room holding some paracetamol.

'But why are you dealing with me, don't you have other patients to see to?' She questioned.

'Ask her.' I said pointing at Chantelle. 'She decided to leave you when you hit your head, leaving me to help you. Resulting in you losing more blood than was necessary.'

'What?'

'She left you because she was upset for a stupid, unprofessional reason.' I said trying not to sound too harsh. Chantelle left in tears…

I couldn't help thinking that I'd gone too far, but I didn't care, how she'd acted to Tara was unforgivable. I decided to go find and find Ollie to ask him for his advice. I knew that he'd tell me if I'd stepped over the line and wouldn't be judgemental.

'Ollie' I began.

Before I could carry on he said 'I know what you said to Chantelle and I know what you're about to say. You don't have to worry; you had every right to put Chantelle back in her place.'

I looked at him, grateful for sticking by me 'So you don't hate me for being a complete bitch?' I said questioningly.

'That's just one of the millions of things I love about you.' He said taking me into his arms.

'Shut up, you soppy git.' I replied laughing…


	4. Chapter 4

**This is just a short filler chapter so sorry it's so short. Thank you for your wonderful reviews, means a lot.**

Another two weeks passed by quickly, spending most of my time at Ollie's large flat. We'd begun to work better as a team, which had improved the way the Darwin has been running and is all round going great.

Ollie and I were walking into the hospital when we were greeted by Sahira who tried to get me to leave. We didn't understand why, so ignored her and walked on. By the time we reached Darwin, Greg had joined Sahira; speaking in hushed voices whilst following us. Then Elliott grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into our office, leaving Ollie in the corridor.

'Jac, I need you to listen to me and tell me the truth.' He said forcing me to sit down on the sofa. I nodded, everyone was acting so strangely. 'Jac, have you ever… I mean were you ever… umm… have you ever had a baby?' He asked his hands shaking.

'Yes.' I said after a while. 'Yes, but I was only a teenager, I was so young and they… they…' I began to cry.

'Jac what happened' Elliott asked, sitting down beside me.

'When I was 17 I had a little girl, as I was in care, I wasn't allowed to keep her. They took her away from me two days after she was born, I wasn't allowed to visit her afterwards. So…' I said, struggling to speak. Elliott put his arms around me, holding me tight.

'Jac she's in bay three.' Elliott told me…


	5. Chapter 5

I stood up, shocked at what he'd said. I opened the door and walked over to where she was. She had long ginger hair and emerald green eyes. She sat there, staring into space.

'Hi Jessica, I'm Miss… I mean call me Jac.' I said, she looked at me oddly as I struggled not to cry. 'Do you have any family I could call for you, seeing as your only 15?'

'My mother abandoned me when I was a child and I've lived in care ever since, so unless you want to try and find her I guess the answers no!'

'That's what I came to speak to you about actually.' I said my whole body shaking.

But before she could finish she shouted 'Oh my god, you're my mum.' Pointing at my name tag.

'Yes I am and I'm sorry for leaving you, I was only a child myself and my foster family forced me to do it, I'm so sorry.' Instead of ignoring like I'd expected, she put her arms around me and began to sob. I held her in my arms as she fell asleep. I was joined by Sahira who helped me to settle her back down.

'What are you going to do?' She asked as we met with Ollie and Greg in the staff room.

'Jac, I just heard, why didn't you tell me?' He said scooping me into his arms kissing my hair. Greg, Sahira, Ollie and I discussed what I should do. The best possible solution was for me to take Jess home and be a proper mum. Ollie kept reassuring me that he'd be with me every step off the way. Our discussion was interrupted by a knock on the door.

'Mum?' I heard a voice call. Sahira stood up and let her into the staff room. 'Mum, what's going to happen to me now?' She asked.

'Well, before that, I would like you to meet some very important people.' I took her hand and sat her down next to me. 'Okay, this is Sahira Shah, one of my closest, most annoying friends. This is Greg Douglass, the sexy Irish doctor. And this is Oliver Valentine, my… umm…'

'I'm her boyfriend' he said helping me out.

'Jess, would you like to come home with me. I'd have to speak with social services first, but we could, if you want, try be a proper family.'

'Are sure.' she said, I nodded. I took her hand and we walked back to her bed.

Before we reached it, we were met by Chantelle. She was pointing a gun at me. I grabbed hold of Jess and tried to push her behind me. But before I could, a shot rang out. Jess fell to the floor, letting out a deafening scream. Chantelle ran.

'NOOOOOOOO!' I screamed, my knees buckling underneath me. 'Jess, hold on, you can do this. Remember, we're going to be a proper family, just hold on for me.' I said cradling her in my arms. 'Don't just stand there do something.' I shouted at my colleagues. But before they could, she closed her eyes and her heart stopped. 'NOOOOOOO!' I screamed again.

I held her in my arms, refusing to let go. Ollie had to pull me away. He took me to the office and held me. I just cried and cried, unable to do anything else.

'She's gone.' I said to him. 'I'd just got her back and now she's been taken away from me. I'm being punished, it's all my fault,'

Before Ollie could say anything his pager went off and he had to leave 'Jac, Chantelle's dead, she jumped from the roof about five minutes ago.' I looked at him, not able to take in what he'd said. 'I have to go, I'm so sorry about this,'

As soon as he'd left, I got up and walked to the drugs trolley which was just outside the office. Without a second thought, I grabbed some morphine. Taking the easy option…


	6. Chapter 6

******If any of you have any ideas, i would be really greatful...**

**Ollie's POV**

I couldn't believe that Chantelle had killed Jac's daughter. Chantelle was a caring, loving girl, she would never hurt anybody. Yet she had done that to Jac. Why? What had Jac done to make her do that? I walked through the ward, on the way Hansen had told me to find Jac and to bring her to him. I carried on walking into the office.

Jac lay there asleep, she was so still, so calm. She had stopped breathing. I quickly tried to find a pulse, I found it but it was decreasing.

'Sahira, Elliott, Hanssen, Someone' I shouted. Hanssen and a nurse came running at once.

'Get a crash trolley, Naloxone and a theatre slot!' Hanssen shouted, taking control.

'Come on Jac stay with me' I shouted.

'Charge 360' Shouted Hanssen. 'Clear!' Nothing.

'And again. Charging 360. Clear.' He shouted. Nothing.

'Come on Jac, you can do this, you've just got to fight.' I screamed, tears pouring down my face.

'Last time. Charging 360 and clear!' Hanssen shouted one final time. 'And she'd back with us.'

'Thank you, so much!' I said to Henrick whilst Jac was being taken to theatre.

'Do we know what's happened, why this happened?' He asked me confused.

I looked around and saw the bottle of morphine on her desk. 'She must have overdosed. This isn't like her, why would she do that?' I asked him.

'Most likely because she blames herself, she took the easy option, which is very unlike her. We'll do our best for her, I promise.' He reassured me.

**Nobody's POV**

In theatre…

'Right Mr Spence, Jac overdosed on morphine earlier this evening. First of all, nobody and I mean nobody is to know what has happened. Secondly when she wakes up, Psych are not to be told and thirdly, despite your feelings towards Miss Naylor, I would like you to act professionally. That goes for all staff, is that understood.' Hanssen said

Half way through the procedure Michael discovered something wrong in Jac's lower abdomen.

'Hanssen, I think… I think Jac's pregnant.' He said.

'Let me take a look… Yes Mr Spence you're right. Is it still alive?' He asked.

'By the looks of it yes. But do you think Jac knew. I don't think she was, seeing as she's only about one month pregnant. She wouldn't be the type of person to do that, especially with what happened between her and baby Freya.' Michael's speech about Jac brought tears to his eyes.

'Mr Spence, please inform Oliver of this sudden discovery.' He said, trying not to laugh at Michael wiping his eyes as he left.

**Ollie's POV**

Michael walked over to me; it was evident that he'd been crying. I began to fear the worst.

'Oliver, Jac's pregnant, but the baby's okay.' He said, dropping a bombshell.

'But she can't be, we were always careful.' I asked realising that we hadn't always been as careful as I might have hoped. 'What about Jac?'

'Hanssen's closing up and she'll be on ITU for a while. She's still in a coma and may be for some time. I'm sorry Ollie.' He said putting his hand on my shoulder.

I went to visit her in ITU later on; she was still in a coma, just lying there so still. I held her cold pale hand in my own; I couldn't quite come to terms with the life support machine and the ventilator keeping her alive. She was so strong, yet she'd suddenly become so weak. I sat with her for hours, talking to her and brushing her long auburn hair. I knew that deep down she could feel it.

But then, she crashed, every machine in the room beeping like mad. 'Help!' I shouted, pressing the emergency button above her bed.

Hanssen came running in, Michael and Sacha behind him. Michael grabbed me and dragged me out of the room. Sacha and Hanssen took her to theatre.

'She had a bleed.' Sacha said, taking Jac back to ITU

'We must have nicked something earlier.' Said Michael.

I walked to ITU and sat beside her, taking her hands in mine.

Days passed; there was no change in her condition. I'd taken some time off work and spent about twelve hours a day at her bedside. It made me realise how much she meant to me, I really loved her and as soon as she woke up, I would tell her so. If she ever did wake up…


	7. Chapter 7

**Contains rape mentioning so don't read if you find this a sensitive issue…**

**Ollie's POV**

A week passed and Jac had made no improvement. Sahira and Elliott had come to visit most days and Elliott had informed me that he'd spoken to Connie and she was coming to visit as soon as she could. Jac had received cards from all sorts of people, most of them still mystified to why Jac was actually in hospital.

Michael and Hanssen came to see Jac and run some more tests. Jac began to move her fingers as they performed the tests.

Michael took her hand in his. 'Jac, if you can hear me can you squeeze for me please.' She squeezed them slightly. 'That's really good Jac, can you squeeze my hand again if you know where you are.' She squeezed Michael's hand again to everyone's relief. 'Okay Jac, just rest now he said. Ollie she should to open her eyes later on today, but don't expect too much movement from her.'

'Thank you so much.' I said shaking Michael's hand.

Connie arrived later on and rushed over to Jac's bedside. 'Oh Jac, what have you done to yourself?' She said tears falling from her eyes. As soon as Connie spoke, Jac's eyes began to flicker. 'Page Spence, now!' She said, smiling at me. 'Jac, can you open your eyes for me?' She did exactly that and began to cry. Tears just kept flowing.

Michael arrived 'Jeze Naylor, you scared the life out of all of us, but thank god you're awake.' He smiled. 'And Mrs Beauchamp, it's not like you to come and visit. You two must be close.'

'Well, Mr Spence, you've gained weight, grey hair and wrinkles, in just over a year. What an improvement. Anyway, Jac is my friend and means a lot to me, so goodbye.' Michael glared at Connie.

'And I can see that you've become bitchier, snobbier and arrogant!' He retaliated.

'See I take that as a compliment, could you do the same?' She teased.

'Well this may be a blow to your rather large ego, but I didn't actually come here to see you, I came to see Jac.' He said, ignoring her last comment. 'So, I'm going to remove the ventilator and you'll hopefully be able to be moved to Keller HDU in a few days.' Jac, unable to speak due to the tube down her throat, made a thumbs-up sign.

Michael removed the ventilator, making Jac cough. He replaced it with an oxygen mask and him and Connie left Ollie and Jac to talk.

'Jac, there's something I've got to tell you. You're pregnant.' By the look on Jac's face, it was obvious she didn't know.

It was the first time that Jac had spoken, so it took her a long time get her words out. 'But, but that can't be. I had no idea... if I did, I wouldn't have… I'm so so sorry!' She said bursting into tears.

'Jac, this isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself. Not for what happened with Jess, not for the overdose, not for Chantelle.' I said trying to calm down a distraught Jac.

'But I can, it was my fault that Jess went into care, it was my fault I took the overdose and it's my fault that Chantelle did what she did.' Jac shouted at me.

'No, it wasn't Jac.'

'Yes it was, it was my fault I got pregnant with Jessica. If I hadn't acted like such a tart, I wouldn't have been…' She stopped, crying her eyes out.

'Jac what happened.'

'I was… I was raped by my foster father, nobody ever found out. Everybody thought that I was some tarty teenager that got knocked up by a random bloke. I was made to give her up, but some part of me wanted to. If she'd stayed with me, she could have been hurt to. but I guess that's happened anyway.'

'Oh, Jac.' I said, wrapping my arms around her frail body. 'I heard about what happened some time ago, but I thought it was just a rumour.'

'It wasn't a rumour. I was almost raped a second time, it was nearly six years ago. A patient named Allen Clooney took a liking to me, I was outside alone and he hit me over the head and dragged into the trees. I kicked him in the balls and was saved by an old colleague. I was in denial about what happened and lied through my teeth. Six months later he turned up at the hospital and tried to rape me again. He was found later that day stabbed with surgical scissors with my finger prints on them, he died. A lot happened that day but it turned out that I was innocent and it was all over.' What she told me, brought tears to my eyes. 'I don't want to lie to you Ollie, but please don't ask too much of me. I wanted to die, yes, but because I wanted the guilt to go away. Not because of you or anything else. My mistakes in life have caused this and I know I can't change the past. But I can change the future, our future.' She stopped and just let herself cry.

'Jac it's okay, you're safe now, I'll protect you.' I said. 'I promise. I love you.'

She stopped and looked at me 'I love you to.'


	8. Chapter 8

**Jac's POV**

Ollie held me for what seemed like hours. Connie and Michael returned. Connie put her arms around me saying 'Jac you're going to be okay, just let us help you and you'll be fine.'

'I know.' Was all I could say.

'Naylor you need to rest, we're going to move you to Holby care tomorrow. Ollie you can stay the night here, but go use one of the on-call rooms to get some sleep, okay.' Said Michael.

I went to sleep; I had no dreams, no nightmares, no nothing. When I awoke Ollie was by my side drinking a cup of coffee. He handed me a pile of cards before saying 'How are you feeling.'

I responded with a short and simple 'Better' even though I was lying. I began to open the cards one by one. Connie gave me some mouth-watering Belgium chocolates. There was one from Michael sent a wonderful card and a large fruit basket. There was a large box of dark chocolates from Sahira, Greg, Elliott, Tara and everyone else on Darwin. There were some beautiful flowers from Keller-Ric, Malick, and Dan. Sascha and Chrissie gave me some grapes and I even got a card from Luc, Eddie and Frieda.

I was moved to Holby Care, it hadn't changed much since I'd stayed there after my bike accident. Days went by and I became able to sit in the chair beside my bed. Ollie cared for me day and night, never letting himself rest. Four days after I'd moved to Holby care I decided to have Connie take me in a wheelchair down to Darwin so that Ollie could get some rest. Connie notified Elliott so that he could make space for me in our Office.

'Jac, it's so wonderful to see you. Everyone's been so worried, how are you feeling?' Asked Elliott, a large smile across his face.

'I'm better, how's my ward coping without me?' I asked, trying to change the subject.

'It's alright, but Connie has some news for you.' Elliott told me, beaming at me.

'As Sahira has been kicked off the CTU project and you're going to be lead consultant.' Connie told me.

'Yes, I already knew, Hanssen told Ollie to tell me.' I said.

'Well, what you don't is that I'm going to be working here again. You will still be leading, but I'm going to expand it, I'm also going to be joint DOS and Darwin is going to see some big changes. For one, we'll be kicking Elliott out of this office and he'll be going somewhere else.' Said Connie.

'And I'm perfectly fine with that as we're going to be making Darwin larger and better equipped and thanks to Connie, my new initiative is going to be put in place to help Ukraine.'

'Wow, but I won't be around to see have of this happen. I'm pregnant.' I told them fighting back tears.

'Jac, that's amazing. Congratulations! But we promise we won't let you miss a thing! Anyway Hanssen is still huffing and puffing about the whole thing meaning it will take about a year to happen. So don't worry you won't miss a thing.' She said.

They helped me to my feet and both put their arms around me. I cried and cried and my friends held my while I did. I knew that they were there for me and that really helped.

'Thank you. Connie would you help me to the loo.' I asked, she help sit back down and wheeled me to the Staff toilets.

'Jac, I'll be just here okay.' She reassured me.

'Connie, there's umm…'

'Jac, are you alright?' She asked, I could hear the concern in her voice.

'Connie there's blood.' I said. I panicked.

'Jac, I'm going to get someone okay.' She said as she left.

**Darwin Corridor**

Hanssen was walking down the corridor, he had the usual frown on his face. He spotted Connie, she had a frightened look on her face. 'Mrs Beauchamp, is everything alright?'

'Hanssen, it's Jac, I need your help.' She said 'She's in the toilet, she's bleeding. I don't think she can open the door.'

'Okay. Nurse Williams, call maternity and page Mr Spence, also get Dr Valentine here as well.' He told her. Connie went back to help

'Is going to be Jac alright?' Asked Chrissie.

'I don't know, but we'll do our best.' Replied Hanssen running to join Connie.

'Miss Naylor, I need you to open the door for me, can you do that.' No reply. 'Miss Naylor, can you hear me.'

'JAC!' Shouted Connie.

Hanssen went into the cubicle next to Jac and stood on the toilet seat, peering over to Jac. She was lying there unconscious. He climbed into the cubicle and unlocked the door, allowing Connie to help. He lifted Jac up and carried her to the bed that was waiting outside the toilets. She had a pulse which was a relief, but they needed to get her back to Holby care so that Michael could give her the best possible care. When they arrived Michael and Ollie were waiting for them.

Ollie took hold of her hand and whispered 'Jac, you're going to be alright, I promise.'

The doctors did there thing and finally told Oliver 'She's going to be fine, the baby to. It's common to have a small amount of bleeding in the early stages of pregnancy. Due to her recent trauma there was a lot more bleeding than usual, but it's alright.'

'Why did she lose consciousness?' He asked.

'Most likely shock, it must have given her quite a scare, even more so after her ordeal. She'll be waking up soon, so keep her calm and make sure she knows she's alright.'

'Thank you so much.' I said. Jac was going to be fine and that was all that mattered…


	9. Chapter 9

**Jac's POV**

Ollie held me for what seemed like hours. Connie and Michael returned. Connie put her arms around me saying 'Jac you're going to be okay, just let us help you and you'll be fine.'

'I know.' Was all I could say.

'Naylor you need to rest, we're going to move you to Holby care tomorrow. Ollie you can stay the night here, but go use one of the on-call rooms to get some sleep, okay.' Said Michael.

I went to sleep; I had no dreams, no nightmares, no nothing. When I awoke Ollie was by my side drinking a cup of coffee. He handed me a pile of cards before saying 'How are you feeling.'

I responded with a short and simple 'Better' even though I was lying. I began to open the cards one by one. Connie gave me some mouth-watering Belgium chocolates. There was one from Michael sent a wonderful card and a large fruit basket. There was a large box of dark chocolates from Sahira, Greg, Elliott, Tara and everyone else on Darwin. There were some beautiful flowers from Keller-Ric, Malick, and Dan. Sascha and Chrissie gave me some grapes and I even got a card from Luc, Eddie and Frieda.

I was moved to Holby Care, it hadn't changed much since I'd stayed there after my bike accident. Days went by and I became able to sit in the chair beside my bed. Ollie cared for me day and night, never letting himself rest. Four days after I'd moved to Holby care I decided to have Connie take me in a wheelchair down to Darwin so that Ollie could get some rest. Connie notified Elliott so that he could make space for me in our Office.

'Jac, it's so wonderful to see you. Everyone's been so worried, how are you feeling?' Asked Elliott, a large smile across his face.

'I'm better, how's my ward coping without me?' I asked, trying to change the subject.

'It's alright, but Connie has some news for you.' Elliott told me, beaming at me.

'As Sahira has been kicked off the CTU project and you're going to be lead consultant.' Connie told me.

'Yes, I already knew, Hanssen told Ollie to tell me.' I said.

'Well, what you don't is that I'm going to be working here again. You will still be leading, but I'm going to expand it, I'm also going to be joint DOS and Darwin is going to see some big changes. For one, we'll be kicking Elliott out of this office and he'll be going somewhere else.' Said Connie.

'And I'm perfectly fine with that as we're going to be making Darwin larger and better equipped and thanks to Connie, my new initiative is going to be put in place to help Ukraine.'

'Wow, but I won't be around to see have of this happen. I'm pregnant.' I told them fighting back tears.

'Jac, that's amazing. Congratulations! But we promise we won't let you miss a thing! Anyway Hanssen is still huffing and puffing about the whole thing meaning it will take about a year to happen. So don't worry you won't miss a thing.' She said.

They helped me to my feet and both put their arms around me. I cried and cried and my friends held my while I did. I knew that they were there for me and that really helped.

'Thank you. Connie would you help me to the loo.' I asked, she help sit back down and wheeled me to the Staff toilets.

'Jac, I'll be just here okay.' She reassured me.

'Connie, there's umm…'

'Jac, are you alright?' She asked, I could hear the concern in her voice.

'Connie there's blood.' I said. I panicked.

'Jac, I'm going to get someone okay.' She said as she left.

**Darwin Corridor**

Hanssen was walking down the corridor, he had the usual frown on his face. He spotted Connie, she had a frightened look on her face. 'Mrs Beauchamp, is everything alright?'

'Hanssen, it's Jac, I need your help.' She said 'She's in the toilet, she's bleeding. I don't think she can open the door.'

'Okay. Nurse Williams, call maternity and page Mr Spence, also get Dr Valentine here as well.' He told her. Connie went back to help

'Is going to be Jac alright?' Asked Chrissie.

'I don't know, but we'll do our best.' Replied Hanssen running to join Connie.

'Miss Naylor, I need you to open the door for me, can you do that.' No reply. 'Miss Naylor, can you hear me.'

'JAC!' Shouted Connie.

Hanssen went into the cubicle next to Jac and stood on the toilet seat, peering over to Jac. She was lying there unconscious. He climbed into the cubicle and unlocked the door, allowing Connie to help. He lifted Jac up and carried her to the bed that was waiting outside the toilets. She had a pulse which was a relief, but they needed to get her back to Holby care so that Michael could give her the best possible care. When they arrived Michael and Ollie were waiting for them.

Ollie took hold of her hand and whispered 'Jac, you're going to be alright, I promise.'

The doctors did there thing and finally told Oliver 'She's going to be fine, the baby to. It's common to have a small amount of bleeding in the early stages of pregnancy. Due to her recent trauma there was a lot more bleeding than usual, but it's alright.'

'Why did she lose consciousness?' He asked.

'Most likely shock, it must have given her quite a scare, even more so after her ordeal. She'll be waking up soon, so keep her calm and make sure she knows she's alright.'

'Thank you so much.' I said. Jac was going to be fine and that was all that mattered…


	10. Chapter 10

Suddenly, Jac sat up. She screamed and screamed before crying into my chest. 'Jac, you're alright, both of you are…' I then explained everything to her; she seemed to understand straight away.

Michael arrived, Connie alongside him 'Okay Jac, you'll be aloud home in about three days, but I don't want to be seeing you here for at least a week and Valentine I think Hanssen wants you to begin work as soon as Jac's out of here. I know it's a pain but you've been off for quite a while and he can't cope without two members of staff.'

'Okay that's fine, anyway I don't think Jac minds putting her feet up for a week.'

'Don't assume you know what I would or wouldn't want. I've got to burry my daughter, or have you forgotten about that.'

Jac got out of bed, anger in her eyes. 'Whoa, Naylor what you doing, you can't be out of bed.'

'Shut up, you idiotic American, I'm not in the mood for you or anything you have to say. So I suggest you move before you make me angry.'

'Jac, calm down.' I said trying to get her back into bed.

'Get off me.' she shouted, pulling her arms away. 'Connie, can you please call me a cab. And yes I'm discharging myself against medical bloody advice.'

'Jac, I'm only doing that if you stay with me for the next few weeks. You're in no state to go home and I don't think that it would be wise to let you stay with Ollie when you're like this.'

'Thanks Connie.' She said, still glaring at me. 'You two will see me back at work in five days; inform Hanssen for me, so that he can get cover until then. Don't bother coming to see me, Neither Connie or I will let you in. you're lucky I'm still speaking to you, you insensitive ass holes.'

'Coming from the ice queen herself.' Said Michael, looking hurt.

'Jac, I'm so sorry.' I said, apologetically.

'Save it for someone that gives a damn.' She shouted, she began to cry again. 'I don't know why I expected you to care'

'Jac, calm down, let's just take you home and we can talk.' Connie said, helping her into a wheelchair. They left, leaving me and Michael to deal with the paper work.

'Ollie, I wouldn't take it heart, she's just upset. She'll forgive you in a couple of days, and the you'll both be fine.' Said Michael trying his best to be reassuring.

**At Connie's Flat**

'Okay Jac, make yourself at home whilst I put on the kettle.'

'Have you got a Computer? I need to plan Jessica's funeral. Also can I borrow you're phone, I need to phone social services.' Connie grabbed me both her laptop and her phone and went to find something.

'Hello.' Said a woman's voice.

'Hello, this is Jac Naylor. My daughter who was in care, died about three weeks ago. I've been in hospital since that day so I haven't been able to do anything. Would it be possible for me to get in contact with her care home and arrange her Funeral?' It felt horrible saying it, I didn't know what her response would be.

'Okay Miss Naylor, I'm sorry to hear that. What was her name?' She asked her voice comforting.

'Jessica Naylor.'

'Okay, she lived at Holby City care home. If you want, I could arrange for you to go there tomorrow and collect her stuff and visit the care workers. You could meet her friends and they could let you know a little about her.'

'That would be really nice, thank you. Am I loud to arrange the funeral myself, or is that down care workers?'

'Well, looking at her file, you're fully entitled to do that. You can go visit them at about ten o'clock tomorrow.'

'Thank you.' I said as Connie came back into the room. 'Connie, would you mind coming with me to the care home tomorrow.'

'Yeah sure. You're starting to look so much better. I've got some things that I used when my father died. You need to sort out the church, the flowers, the invites, the music and so on. So let's get started.'

'Thanks for this.' I said as we began to plan everything.

The next morning I got up and as Connie had taken the day off to help me, she made me breakfast. We drove to the care home, not saying much to each other. I was extremely nervous, as was she. I was worried that they'd blame me, that she wouldn't have any friends and to find out who she really was…


	11. Chapter 11

**Please review otherwise I'll think that nobody like it…**

When we arrived I got out of the car, Connie hugged before we knocked on the door.

'Hello, you must be Jac. I'm Lisa, the senior care worker. Please come through.' She said kindly.

'Thanks for making time to see us. This is my friend Connie.' I told her.

'Nice to meet you.' She said politely. 'They don't have school today, so they should be in the lounge. The girls really wanted to meet you; it's been very difficult for the last few weeks. We had no idea she was in hospital, but it came as a real shock when we heard. I know that Jess always wanted to meet you and I'm so glad that she finally did.' We walked into the sitting room where three teenage girls were sat. 'Girls, this is Jess's mum Jac and her friend Connie. Jac, Connie this is Emily, Amy and Tia.'

'Hi girls, I wanted to apologise for not coming sooner, I've been in hospital and was discharged yesterday. I wanted to know a bit about Jess, I only got to know her for a few hours. I also wanted to know a little about you guys, I was in care myself. I had no idea that this place had changed so much.' I said doing my best not to cry.

Emily was the first to speak 'Five years ago my mum left me, she chose drugs over me. The first person I got to know here was Jess; she cared for me and let me cry. She was the most wonderful person I've ever met and we've been the best of friends since.'

'But, she did have a stubborn streak.' Said Tia jokingly. 'She always had to be on top, very competitive and the brightest person I've ever met. Despite being competitive she used that to help others instead of showing off. She tutored me for the last four and has helped me to gain the basic knowledge that I needed to know. My mum died when I was four and I never went to school. My dad kept me at home to do the house work until the social found out and took me into care. I've lived here for Six years and the four of us have always been the best of friends.'

'They used to call us the four musketeers. I've known her my whole life, when I was born I was also put into care. I didn't have a dad and my mum was seventeen when I was born. The two of us were fostered out together once, but the man was turned out to not be who he said he was. Since then we've not been fostered, as long as we were together we would be fine. But we're not together anymore.' Amy said, bursting into tears.

'Hey, it's alright. I know you miss her. I do too.' I said as I put my arm around her.

'She was always so popular at school, always ready to have a laugh. She was top of the class, despite always being the one to answer back or mess around.' Said Emily.

'She sounds a lot like you Jac, she really was her mother's daughter.' Connie said smiling at me.

'She looked like you as well. She had your beautiful ginger hair, your emerald green eyes and your kind heart.' Said Amy.

'I don't have a kind heart. I'm not sure if I have one at all. If I had a heart, then I wouldn't have put her into care. I wouldn't have lost my family. And I wouldn't have become known as the ice queen. So I know that I don't have a heart, everyone knows it, even Jess.' I said truthfully.

'But you do. I can see in your eyes that you care. If you didn't have a heart, then you wouldn't have come here, you wouldn't have needed to bring Connie so that it didn't break anymore and you wouldn't be bothering to make things right.' She said honestly putting her arms around me as I cried.

'Thank you.' I said after a while. 'I don't know if you'd want to, but would the three of you like to say something. I know it would mean a lot to both me and Jess.'

They nodded. To my surprise all three of them gave both me and Connie a hug before we left. We had four days until the funeral and going there had really changed my view on everything. We drove home and carried on arranging things. I spent time playing with young Grace who was now five years old. I helped Connie cook and we sat on the sofa watching the little mermaid before I read Alice in wonderland to Grace. I knew that I was giving Connie a well-deserved break, but I couldn't help thinking that she was getting me to do this for a reason.

I came back down stairs and Connie handed we a glass of orange juice. 'Connie, why are you trying to get me to spend so much time with Grace?' I asked.

'Jac, honestly, this is going to be what you'll be doing for the next seven or eight years of your life. And you're the least maternal person I've ever met.' She said laughing.

'Thanks for that. But remember, you weren't so maternal yourself before you had Grace.' I said.

'Well, I want you to have more experience than I did and the best first-hand knowledge too.'

'You know what, I've missed this. I've missed you telling me what to do, I've missed our incessant squabbling and most of all I've missed the friend I'd found in you.' I said crying.

'God, you really are hormonal aren't you.' She said making us both laugh.

'Yeah and I also forgot your incredible rudeness and bluntness.' I said laughing.


	12. Chapter 12

The day before the funeral Connie went to work whilst I stayed home with Grace. She held my hand as we walked down to the park; I caught her as she went down the slide and pushed her on the swings. Every time she laughed, I felt a large smile spread across my face. I sat down on the park bench and watched her play.

Then I heard scream 'Aunty Jac!' My heart began to beat faster and faster as I rushed over to her as fast as I could. 'Aunty Jac, my knee.' She cried.

'Oh, it's alright sweetie, I've got a plaster in my bag. Let's go visit mummy at the hospital.' I said, forcing myself to be sweet and kind.

I cleaned up her knee and we got in a taxi. The whole way there she told me about the places Connie had taken. Her despite her childish ways, I found myself enjoying the company of a child. When we arrived I got us both a slice of cake, a hot chocolate and an espresso for me. I felt many pairs of eyes staring at me, standing there hand in hand with a five year old.

'Come on Grace, let's find your mummy!' I said hoping that they would catch on. 'Connie must really miss you when she's at work.'

As we stepped out of the lift we were greeted by a worn out Oliver. I decided that it would be best to carry on walking so we went over to see Sahira. She gave me a hug and checked the time of the funeral. But before she could fill me in on all the latest gossip, she was paged. We reached my office after receiving a number of odd looks. Connie and Elliott were sat in the office discussing acase.

'Surprise!' we said as we both gave the two obviously surprised consultants. 'We got bored at the park, so we thought we'd come see mummy. Then visit Sacha and Ric. Maybe even have a stand up argument with Hanssen.'

'Well it's lovely to see you.' Said Connie 'I've sent Ollie on a break, he hasn't at all since you two split and is suffering badly because of it. I know that he feels bad about it, please talk to him. Send Grace to the Crèche, then go find him.'

'Fine, but I'm not promising that I can forgive him.' I said taking Grace downstairs.

After dropping Grace off in my idea of hell, I went to find Oliver. before doing that, I decided to go and get him a coffee as a peace offering. I missed him, but I wasn't sure what to do about it. I saw him sitting at one of the tables outside the hospital. I sat down beside him and passed him the coffee.

'I'm sorry' I said, trying my best to be nice. 'I was being a right cow, I shouldn't have reacted the way I did.'

'Why are you sorry, for once you had every right to be the way you were. You'd just lost your daughter and I was insensitive. I'm sorry for being a typical bloke, I should have been more careful with what I said.' He replied.

'Yeah, but I should have realised that all you were trying to do was protect us. But, Oliver I'm two months pregnant, not dying. So please stop worrying before I murder you.' I said as he put his arm around me. He looked at me and kissed me, I'd missed his kisses. We sat there together, he had one arm around my waist and the other on my stomach. I felt safe in his arms, I knew that he had to go back to the ward, but I didn't want him to go.

'Ollie, can we stay at mine tonight. The funerals tomorrow and I don't think I can do it on my own. What time do you finish?' I asked not wanting to be alone any longer.

'Five, you want to help out on the ward until then?'

'Yeah, just don't let Hanssen catch me.' I said, taking him by the hand back to the busy hospital.

We went back up to Darwin. Connie smiled at us whilst Sahira and Greg made love hearts with their hands. Elliott and Tara walked over and they too smiled at us.

All the smiling and love and stuff began to irritate me so I said 'One more person to do anything other than work will be having their pay cut and be forced to work nights for the next three weeks.'

'Come on Jac that's a little harsh. We're only being supportive.' Said Greg laughing.

'Don't push me.' I said sarcastically.

'Anyway you shouldn't be working so I think it should be you making the effort to be nice to us.' Retorted Greg.

'Actually, I'm here to ask Sahira and Elliott and maybe even you to come to my daughters funeral tomorrow, I didn't expect to be told to lighten after recent events.' I said, trying not to show that it had hurt me.

'Jac, I didn't mean it I'm sorry.' He said.

' I know you didn't. I'm just stressed.'

'Jac, go to the office and relax. Don't stress yourself out for nothing; it's not a good idea.' Ollie whispered. Sahira put her hand on my arm as I passed her on my way. I went in, locked the door and sat at my desk. I sat and cried, for once I couldn't help it and I didn't want to. But I knew that things weren't going to be any easier tomorrow. When I'd recovered, I began to work. I was interrupted a few times by Elliott and Connie coming in and out. I knew that they were checking on me, but it just showed that they cared.

At six o'clock, Ollie came to get me. 'Connie said that we could leave early, so let's go home. Let's stop by a takeaway for food and get an early night. You really look like you need the rest.' He said grabbing my bag.

We passed Connie on our way out 'Thanks Connie, see you tomorrow.'

'Good luck.'

Before leaving we decided to go and visit Keller. Michael was by the nurse's station with Malick and Dan. 'Michael, I wanted to know whether you were able to come tomorrow.'

'Naylor, I thought I banned you from coming in here.' He said in his annoying American accent.

'Well, Grace was driving me mental at home, so I thought we'd come in and see what we could find here.'

'So it's true, the ice queens are living together. I bet you sit together at night, planning your evil plans.'

'More like us sat together on the sofa, her getting drunk and me drinking my weight in orange juice.' I retorted. At that both Malick and Dan looked me up and down and stared at my stomach.

'Naylor, you pregnant?' Asked Malick, trying not to laugh.

I looked to Ollie; he nodded so I said 'Yes we're having a baby. But, I'm only three months so please keep it to yourselves otherwise you will be made to regret it.'

'Congratulations, it's quite a surprise. First you two, then mini Naylor.' Said Malick, making me smile.

'Is it me or did Miss Snaylor just smile?' Said Dan sarcastically.

'Shut up bone cruncher.' I said venomously. 'I haven't gone soft if that's what you're thinking. Far from it, being pregnant has made me stronger not nicer. Anyway we need to find Sacha, so Michael, see you tomorrow and you two keep it shut.'

'Bye' Said Ollie laughing.

As we walked into the lift Ollie began to stare at me 'What?' I asked his incessant staring irritating me.

'You're so beautiful, you don't realise how beautiful you really are.' He said smiling.

'Shut up, you're so soppy.' I said kissing him.

We walked into AAU, Sacha was sat with Eddie and Chrissie and it sounded like they were chatting about dogs. 'Hi, Sacha are you able to come tomorrow?'

'Jac, how're you doing? We've all been really worried.' He said, not answering my question.

'I'm fine, just got a little bored.'

'Hanssen's letting me go and has got cover for most of Darwin, me and Michael.' He said.

'Good, I'll see you then.' I said, faking a smile.

Ollie and I went home. We sat and talked for hours and hours. We talked about our future, our plan to move into somewhere bigger. It wouldn't be long before Ollie would be able to become a registrar, obviously he'd work in cardiothoracics with me as his boss. Maybe one day I'd get Hanssen's job and I'd be able to rule over Holby and fire everyone that I dislike. Our plan may sound like a fantasy but I knew that it wouldn't be too long before I'd become DOS and then we'd be able to afford to live in a big house for our expanding family house, have a nice car and I'd finally be able to have the 'Connie wardrobe' that I've always wanted. Plus I'd get all the shoes I'd ever want


	13. Chapter 13

**This is my English Homework but I based it on this so sorry if its a little crap**

I awoke the next morning a horrible feeling at the pit of my stomach. I knew that today was going to be the single hardest day of my life. There wasn't anything anyone could do or say to make the pain I felt lessen. I never thought that I would feel this sort of heartache, I'd felt pain before, but never at this level. It hit me suddenly, no warning, no nothing. My whole past had coming flooding into reality. I'd been through losing her once and now history was repeating itself. This time I wasn't sure whether I'd be able to cope with the blinding truth that it brought with it. I didn't want everyone to know my past and it's worse now that I have no control over what happens. But I had to give her the end in which she deserves, she was, is at rest now.

I lay in bed, staring at the white ceiling. I don't know what I was looking for in blank surroundings, reassurance, comfort. Whatever it was, I'd found it, just by staring into that white ceiling. I didn't want to get out of bed; I guess I was just trying to prevent the inevitable. I knew that I couldn't go through with today, yet I felt as if I didn't have the strength to do it. I felt the guilt swarming inside me, I felt as if I was drowning in a pool of painful emotions. I couldn't help thinking that what is to happen, shouldn't. I shouldn't have to do this today, if I hadn't made those mistakes before, I wouldn't have to pay for it now. But if hadn't made those mistakes, I would have a different career, family, life. I would be a different person; I would probably have a loving family.

I guess in a short time I would have the family which I've been craving for so long. I'd never had a family; I hadn't ever wanted one until now. Recent events had shown me how important they are and that once there gone, they're never coming back. I knew this was my fault; there was no way that I could deny that. That I was going to have to live with, I'd always have it on my conscience. When things like this happen, most people ask why god was punishing them. But I know why and I know that I can't change it despite how much I desperately want to.


	14. Chapter 14

My thoughts were interrupted by Ollie entering the room with a steaming cup of coffee.

He sat down on the bed and began to stroke my hair. 'How're you feeling?' He asked placing the coffee into my pale hands.

'Alright, I can't stop thinking about what happened. I just keep going over everything in my head.' I said taking a sip from the hot mug.

'You take as long as you need getting ready, we've got loads of time. When you get up, I'll get you some breakfast and then you can get yourself ready.'

'I don't want anything. I'll go for a shower and get dressed. What are you wearing?' I asked not sure what he'd show me.

'The suit I wore to penny's funeral. How about you?' He asked getting the suit from the wardrobe.

'It's hanging in the bathroom.' I said, we walked next door and brought back a plain black dress and a blazer. I knew that it showed that I had a small bump, but I didn't mind. I didn't think people would really be paying attention.

'I'll leave you to get ready. There's plenty of hot water, so relax.' He said kissing me on the head and leaving.

I got out of bed and went straight into the bathroom, I stood under the shower. As soon as I turned the tap, I felt the hot water soak my back. I just stood there, staring into space, letting the world move on without me. I turned the temperature up higher, singing my back. I couldn't feel the pain, but when I looked down I saw that my burning body was red. I turned down the shower and washed my long auburn hair.

I got out of the shower and dried my hair. I brushed the tangled hair upon my head; I then put it up into a neat bun. I then tried to put mascara on my eyelashes and eyeliner around my bloodshot eyes; it's not easy when you're shaking like mad. I put foundation on my warn face, I didn't bother to put on blusher as my cheeks were already scarlet. I picked up the maroon lipstick and put it on my lips, my hands shook badly, making me have to redo it a few times. I put on my dress; I looked in the mirror and rubbed my little bump. The dress didn't go past my knees, despite being a perfect fit when I bought it. I put on the blazer and stared into the mirror, I wouldn't have been able to do that a few months ago. I put on my black tights and jimmy choos, I was glad that they weren't too high. I grabbed my bag and put two packets of tissues inside.

I went downstairs to find Ollie, holding onto the banister for support. I went into the living room to find him failing at doing his tie.

'Here, let me do it.' I said taking the crumpled tie from his hands and doing it up for him.

'Thanks, you look lovely.' He said smiling.

'I'm starting to show now look, I can't believe I'm three and a half months gone already.' I said rubbing my stomach.

He also put his hand to my stomach, 'Who knows?' He asked.

'Connie, Elliott, Michael, Dan, Malick and sadly Hanssen knows as well. Have you told anyone yet?' I asked checking my watch.

'No, as soon as we go back to work let's tell everyone. Anyway let's go.' He said taking hold of my hand.

'The cars will be here in about five minutes so I'm going to go get my coat.' I said pressing a kiss upon his soft lips.

When we arrived at the church, there were already loads of people gathered there. The grave looks on their faces, made my heart drop. The amount of hearts that a teenage girl had touched meant more to me than anything. All we had left of her now were memories. Though I'd only known her for a few hours, the time we'd spent together would stay with me forever. She was the first person to break through the ice and now she'd left a small hole in which Ollie and our baby had crawled into. I guess that now the hole has sealed up, my usual ice queen exterior will be replenished and things would begin to go back to normal. I wasn't going to let anyone else in and that was how it had to be, otherwise I'd turn into Sahira and that's not the way I work.

I looked around and saw Connie and Elliott stood together talking, Connie looked at me and smiled. I then saw Sahira and Greg stood side by side, Greg had his arm around a rather mournful looking Sahira. Nearby, were Michael and Sacha, they seemed to be discussing something rather dull. I could see Tia, Amy and Emily stood with Lisa the care worker; I walked over to them and put my arm around an upset Amy. We all went into the large church.

The vicar stood there, he spoke about how this was a tragedy. Not being religious, his words were no comfort to me. Ollie held my hand as he spoke and as I rose to speak myself, a single tear rolled down my cheek.

'I only knew her for a few hours, in that time I met the most kind and beautiful person. In my whole life, I never expected to finally find her and tell everything I wanted to. But, when I finally did, she was taken away. She was funny and popular, yet she was cleaver and ambitious. She was so full of life, always putting others first, she wasn't one to put others down or tell them that they weren't good enough. She was independent and strong, always ready to fight for what she believed in. She had a big heart and used it to help everyone else, the thought and care she gave others is something which I believe is one of her amazing qualities which make us love her so much. I was surprised to see so many people here today, to see that she has touched so many hearts, means the world. But, what I've said aren't what I've seen, this is what those that are close to her have said. I wish that I was one of the people there to see her grow up, to see her turn from a naughty child, to a stubborn teenager. She didn't deserve to lose her life and right now I hope she's looking down here on all of us from a happy place.' By the time I'd finished, I had tears running down my cheeks. I went and sat next to Ollie and he put his arm around me as I sobbed.

Amy walked to the front and opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. She looked at me, her tearstained face breaking my heart. I nodded at her and she tried again, this time succeeding to let out a quiet voice. 'Jess, was like a sister, we did everything together. She was always ready to have a laugh yet she would always understand if you didn't want to. She was caring and was all I had, we went through so much together and now I feel as if I'm alone. Wherever she is, I hope she's happy. I know that she always wanted to meet her mum and I'm so glad that she got the chance. I can see so much of Jac in her, for one they're both stubborn and they both have beautiful, auburn hair. She was so funny and always kept her chin up. I'm proud to know someone as wonderful as her. Goodbye Jess, we all miss you.' She said breaking down in tears. I smiled at her to give her a little reassurance. The rest of the funeral was beautiful and at the end we played people help the people by birdy as it was her favourite song.

I left the church knowing that I'd finally done something right for her. We decided not to go the reception; instead Ollie and I invited our close friends back to our house. Ollie, Connie, Elliott and I got one taxi, whilst Sacha, Michael Greg and Sahira got in another.

'It was a beautiful service, Connie and I were both in tears by the end of your speech.' Elliott said touching my hand.

'Thank you, I was surprised that I was actually able to get any words out. I've been thinking, I can't cope with you all being depressed through the whole evening, so I say we celebrate her life. We've got half an hour to be sad, then we're going out and getting drunk.' I said.

'Jac, you've just buried your daughter, besides you're not supposed to be drinking.' Said Ollie, staring at me.

'Yes I can, as long as I don't get super drunk and this is the only time I'll be fine. I'm going to work in two days by the way so make sure that my office is ready and waiting for my return. Don't look at me like that Ollie, this is my decision and I'm putting my foot down so deal with it.' I said not letting myself be pushed around.

'Fine, but you're not getting drunk. Let's go to Albi's, it's always nice there.' Said Ollie winking at Elliott.

'Fine. Come back to ours for a bit, then we'll meet at Albi's at let's say Eight o'clock.' I said as we reached home.


	15. Chapter 15

In the bar we drank and talked and laughed and acted as normal. The next day Ollie and I were cuddled up on the sofa discussing baby names when Ollie's phone rang. He looked at the caller Id and smiled at the phone, and then to my disgust he got up and took the call in the other room.

When he'd finished I followed him into the kitchen and said. 'Who was that?'

'Greg, I need to go into the hospital today, some sort of assessment..' He said, it was so obvious that he was lying.

'Cut the crap, I know that wasn't Greg. You're cheating I can tell, I'm three months pregnant with your baby and you're cheating on me.' I said, becoming angry.

'Jac, I'm not cheating on you. Check my phone if you don't believe me. I wouldn't do that, I love you.' He said.

'I'm sorry; I'm being stupid again, hormones and that. Go. I do love you to you know.' I said.

'Jac

He pulled me towards him and kissed me, and then he grabbed his keys and headed for the door. 'Oh and Jac, dress up nicely.' He called closing the door behind him.

I went into my bedroom and got on my hands and knees to get something from under the bed. I pulled out a warn box, stroking the top of it with my hand. I opened the box and began to rummage through the contents. I took out a small plastic tag, in small writing it said Jessica Naylor, I rubbed my thumb across the words and began to cry. I pulled my knees my chest and began to look through the rest of the box. At the top lay a picture of me and Ollie, I was wearing a long Purple dress and Ollie in a suit; I guess we'd been to an event of some kind. There was a picture of me, Joseph and baby Harry in the snow. One of Connie, Ric, Michael, Elliott, Hanssen and I stood in a row, dressed smartly, behind us there was a screen saying Holby's finest consultants. I found a tear stained photo of my mother and I after our operation. Then I came across the photo of Oliver and I making out in the locker room two years ago, I began to laugh at how I'd kept it all this time. I then found an older photo of me and Joseph, we looked so young, we were sat in the bar and Sam had taken the photo for some stupid reason. I found a picture of me holding Jess soon after she'd been born, I was smiling, at that point I had no idea that she was going to be taken away. Beneath that lay my pregnancy scan and under that was a photo of me and my mum.

I realised that I'd been sat there for an hour so I put away the painful memories and began to get ready. First thing I did was go into the bathroom to wipe away the mascara that was trailing down my cheeks, then I redid my face. I walked back into the bedroom and looked in the cupboard; I picked out two dresses and laid them on the bed. They were both above my knee, one a red halter neck; it was a very girly dress. The other was a tight blue long sleeved dress which showed my bump, which was also pretty and made me look a little younger. I put on the blue one and found the matching pair of blue heels. I looked at myself in the mirror rubbing my bump, I checked my phone, realising that it would be a good idea for me to call a taxi soon.

I got in the taxi, the driver smiled at me. 'You look nice, going anywhere special?' He asked, trying to start a conversation.

'I'm going to meet my boyfriend; nobody will tell me what's going on. I think he's got some sort of surprise planned, but I'm being completely kept in the dark as to what it is.' I said.

'Well, I hope you have a nice time. How long have you two been together?' He asked.

'I'm not quite sure; it can't be more than a four months. I was in a coma for a while so things are a little confusing.' I explained, I surprised myself as it wasn't like me to just tell anyone my private life.

We arrived at Albi's 'I hope things go well and I hope you're better.' He said as I got out of the cab.

'Thanks.' I said paying him.

I walked into the Albi's; I was greeted by all of my colleagues shouting 'Surprise!' I looked around me, and then I saw Ollie. He was dressed in a suit and was down on one knee holding out a ring.

'Okay, what's going on?' I asked, not knowing what else to say.

'Jac, I know you don't like soppy things and you're probably going to kill me when we get home for embarrassing you like this. But all I want you to know is that I love you and want you to marry me.' He said, his eyes glistening.

Then it hit me, I couldn't, I couldn't marry him. I didn't know what to do so I ran. I ran out of Albi's but tripped seeing as I was wearing stupidly high heels. I fell onto the floor and hurt my ankle as I did so. Connie and Sacha ran after me, helping me off from the floor.

'Jac, are you alright?' Said Connie, holding onto me.

'No, I think I've hurt my ankle. But, I need to go back in; I need to talk to Oliver. I ran because I was scared and I now really wish I hadn't.' I said as I started cry.

'Jac, we need to take you to the ED, you could have broken your ankle' Sacha said checking me over.

'Are you sure you didn't hurt your stomach when you fell.' Connie said worriedly.

'I'm sure.' I said trying to walk.

'Why've you got to be careful, you're pregnant are you?' Said Sacha looking at my stomach.

'Yes, but we're fine. I need to get back inside.' I began to walk but it was to painful.

'No you're going to hospital.' Said Connie pulling me towards her car. 'Get in.'

'No.' I said trying to escape from her grasp.

'Jac, do it and I promise we'll get you back within the hour.' She said.

I got in and we went straight to AAU, Connie took charge straight away and ordered an x-ray. It came back quickly and it turned out that I'd sprained it badly but no permanent damage had been done. I was told that would be a good idea if I walked with crutches for the next few weeks though. Connie took me back to the bar, I went in and saw Oliver sat with Greg and Dan. He looked up at me and ran over.

'Jac, what happened?' He said.

'I'm fine, I sprained my ankle. Connie made me go to hospital, I'm so sorry Ollie. I ran because I got scared. But I do love you so much.' I said.

'Well then' He said getting back down on one knee. 'Jac Naylor, will you marry me?'

'Yes I will.' I said determinedly. He stood back up and we shared an amazing kiss. We were disturbed by Connie coughing. 'What, are we the only ones not allowed to make out in public?' I said sarcastically.

'Pretty much.' Shouted Sahira.

'Well, anyway if you didn't know already. Ollie and I are having a baby together. The next generation of Valentine will be making their first appearance on the 3rd of September.' I announced.

The rest of the evening I drank a lot of orange juice, whilst being sat in Ollie's arm.

'So, do I get to be a bridesmaid?' Said Connie taking another shot.

'You're drunk.' I said laughing.

'Well, that doesn't mean that you can't answer the question.' She said giggling.

'Yes, I would like you to be my bridesmaid. So, Ollie is it going to be a big wedding or a small wedding. We've got lots of time to plan it, seeing as I'm not getting married whilst being pregnant.' I laughed.

'Whatever you want.' He said. 'We can afford to have a big wedding so why not. By the way I would like to have Greg as my best man if that's alright with you.'

'That's fine.' He said.

Just then Sahira walked over. 'Congratulations. Jac is it alright if I have a word.' She said. She helped me to my feet and passed me my crutches, I hopped to the loos and Sahira began to speak. 'I feel terrible about dumping this on you on your big night but I wanted to let you know that I'm leaving. You'll get my resignation tomorrow. I know it's out of the blue but it's something I've got to do. And I know that this is a lot to ask, but I'd proffer to just sneak out the backdoor rather than have everyone know. Tell Ollie, but promise me that you won't Greg, also look after him whilst I'm gone.'

'Well, that was unexpected. I promise that I won't tell Greg but I have to inform Elliott and Hanssen. It'll be sad to see you go.' I said not wanting to make a speech. 'Right, I must be getting back to my Fiancé. I've always wanted to say that.' We walked the bar laughing to find Oliver asleep on a sofa.

'I think it might be a good idea if you took him home.' Said Dan.

'You're having a laugh aren't you?' I said giving Ollie a whack.

'What?' Shouted Ollie not realising where he was. 'Oh right sorry. 'Thanks guys for your help. Now, soon to be Mrs Valentine, let's go home.'

'What, you seriously think I'm going to become Jac Valentine. Why don't you change your name to Oliver Naylor.' I suggested sarcastically.

'What about Jac Naylor Valentine.' He said.

'That could work.' I replied.


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm stopping writing because nobody reviews and i don't think anyone reads it... plz review x**

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><p>When I got up next morning, I realised straight away that Ollie was hung-over. I grabbed my crutches and got out of bed.<p>

'Ollie!' I shouted, shaking him awake. 'Get up; we're going to be late.'

'Uhhhh, my head,' he grumbled. 'What's the time?'

'Time you were up… God, I sound like your mother!' I said realising how motherly I was being.

'Fine, I'm getting up. Now, we need to start working to save up for this wedding of ours.' He said scooping me into his arms.

'Well, that depends, are we having a small quite wedding or are we going for the full Monty?' I said giving him a peck on the cheek.

'The second one definitely. Anyway, I don't think Hanssen would be at all pleased if you and I were late on our first day back. So let's get ready.' He said clambering out of bed.

By the time we were both ready, we didn't have any time to get anything to eat before leaving the flat. When we arrived, we both grabbed an espresso and headed up to Darwin. As we entered through the two doors, we were greeted by the hustle and bustle of the ward I loved so much. I was home. I hopped to the nurse's station and took a look at some notes. With Sahira leaving in a few weeks, I had better find her a replacement. Greg was running past me with the crash trolley.

'I'll take this one.' I said following him towards HDU. I grabbed the paddles 'Charge 360 and clear.' I shouted. 'Right, he's back with us. I want him on 50mgs of adrenaline followed by 10 minute obs.'

'It's nice to have you back.' Said Tara; walking alongside me. I spotted Oliver chatting with a patient; he seemed to be getting stuck in as well. I was glad that things were able to go back to normal. Despite coming back with a ring on my finger and a baby in my tummy, things felt just as they used to be. I did my best to walk to my office, Tara beside me. As I entered, I slammed the door in Tara's face, hoping that she'd realise as soon as possible that I hadn't changed. Connie was sat at her new desk, reading up on a new technique for an aortic valve replacement. She looked up; she was wearing a pair of expensive glasses, looking as glamorous as always.

'So, how's my ward been coping without me?' I asked, sitting down at my untouched desk.

'Well, I noticed that it's been a few degrees warmer since you've been gone. Anyway, how's your ankle?' She asked.

'It doesn't hurt unless I put weight on it. Have you found a replacement for Sahira yet, I think we can cope without her until we find someone permanent. Just as long as everyone works there hardest, Ollie can step up and we can have Luc Hemmingway up here for a while. I don't think he'll mind seeing as Eddi Mckee is already working up here temporarily.' I said laughing.

'So, it's true then, they are together. Also, the reason of you allowing Oliver to step up, wouldn't be down to the fact that you're engaged to him would it?' She scoffed.

'No, I think he's ready. Anyway he's assisting me on a Nuss procedure today, you're welcome to observe and see how brilliant my fiancé actually is.' I retaliated. Before Connie could answer, there was a knock at our door. 'Come in.' Called Connie, smirking. It was Hanssen, most likely coming to tell me what I wasn't allowed to do due to the fact that I was on crutches.

'Welcome back Miss Naylor, you're looking well. I would like you both to find Mr Hope and meet me in the board room in ten minutes. We need to discuss Maternity leave for Miss Naylor, cover for Miss Shah and make sure that Miss Naylor is up to speed with CTU.' He said leaving.

'Mr Hanssen.' I called, making him turn around. 'I think that Oliver should be there to discuss maternity, seeing as it's his baby just as much as mine.'

'Of course, I almost forgot. Congratulations, I heard that you and Dr Valentine are planning to tie the knot, as they say.' He said, allowing himself a small smile.

'Thank you, now Connie where's Elliott.' I asked turning to my fellow colleague.

'He's talking to lady Byrne.' Said a rather annoyed Connie, standing up and walking over towards my desk.

'As in Joseph's mother? Why's he talking to her?' I asked getting my crutches and standing up.

'Because Joseph is living back here and Elliott's in the relative's room discussing how to keep Joseph away.' She said, opening the door.

'Why? None of you have the right to keep us apart. Yes, I was in love with him and yes, I still miss him, but I wouldn't throw away what I have with Oliver. I want to see him; I have every right to do that.' I said as we stood outside the relative's room.

'I don't think you'll have much choice in that.' She said, making me confused. 'Hanssen's offered Joseph Sahira's job and he's most likely going to take it.'

'I'm going to talk with Lady Byrne.' I said entering the room. 'Lady Byrne, I want to see Joseph. You don't need to worry about us getting back together as I'm engaged.' I held up my ring finger and then placed it upon my swollen stomach. 'I'm pregnant and I'm happy. I don't want to be with him, I have a new life with someone else. But I need to see him, I need to tell him to his face that I've moved on and then maybe he can do the same to. I can cope with working in the same hospital as him if that's what he wants to do; just don't try to control either of our lives. I know what you think of me and I honestly don't care and neither does he. We can be friends but nothing more. He wants me to be Harry's mum, but I need to be a mum to my own baby.'

'Well, that makes things a whole lot easier. By the way, I'm happy for you. You've finally been able to except a hint of human emotion and love someone. Just don't ruin your relationship for your baby's sake; Joseph isn't worth giving up everything.' She said, I could sense that it was her nice way of saying stay away from my son or I will make sure you lose everything.

'Anyway, Elliott Hanssen wants us now'

I left Elliott to say his goodbyes, meeting Connie outside to walk to Hanssen's office. When we got there, Elliott running to catch up, Hanssen was sat at the head of the long table.

'Ms Naylor would you please invite Dr Valentine to meet us h*ere in, let's say ten minutes.'

I pulled out my phone and rang Oliver, 'Hi it's Jac, can you meet me in the board room in ten minutes please.'

'Sure, but why?' He asked.

'A meeting with the other senior staff on Darwin and Hanssen to discuss maternity leave.' I replied.

'Okay see you then, love you.' He said.

I turned around to check whether the other three were listening before saying 'I love you too.' I put down my phone, a large grin on my face. I turned around to discover that they had indeed heard me, my three smirking colleagues just stood in a row trying their best not to laugh. 'What?' I said.

'Oh, come on Jac. Is Ollie making you go soft?' She said sarcastically.

'No I'm not. Anyway don't tell me you've never told anyone that you love them before, how's about when you used Sam to get you pregnant.' I replied bluntly.

'Well at least I never pretended that I was pregnant.' She shouted.

'I'm not the one who married a fraud.' I retaliated.

'I never slept with my boyfriend's dad.'

'Well, I know that when I have my baby, I'll actually be there for her, instead of leaving her in the crèche.' I screamed.

'At least my mum didn't leave me at the age of 12.' She screamed back. That's when I did something I knew I'd regret. I hit her and I hit her hard.

'You bitch, you cow, how could you?' I screamed, tears running down my face. I pushed her, causing her to hit me back. I shoved my crutches on the floor and punched her as hard as I could. She did the same back, the pain shot through my cheek. I grabbed her by the hair and smacked her. She was about to hit me again when Elliott grabbed both of her hands. Hanssen had his arms round m waste, pulling me away.

'Get off me!' I screamed 'She deserves it; she needs to know what it's like to feel pain. I'm not finished with her.'

'Jac, what do you think you're doing? You are four months pregnant. As for you Connie, I don't know what to say.' Shouted Elliott.

'Both of you will be given a written warning, if this happens again, I will be calling security. Miss Naylor I would like you to go down to AAU and get yourself checked out, I'm sure Mr Levy wouldn't mind stitching up your eye. I don't think I have to tell you how disgusted and ashamed I am of the both of you.' Said Hanssen, still not letting me go.

'Jac, I'm sorry.' Said Connie, tears streaming down her badly bruised face.

'Save it for someone who gives a damn.' I replied pulling away from Hanssen and leaving. On my way down I saw Oliver.

'Elliott just phoned me to tell me what happened, are you alright. You know you've got to be careful.' He said putting his arms around me.

'I'm sorry, I just went for her. I need to go to AAU, Hanssen's orders.' I said, crying again.

'Fine but I'm getting you a wheel chair, you need to rest.' He said running off to find one.

We made our way down to AAU, along the way we were severely stared at. Before we had arrived Oliver's pager beeped and he had to go, leaving me in the hands of a porter. We wheeled through the two doors to find Sacha standing there waiting for us, he grabbed the wheel chair from the porter and took me to one of the bays where he helped me onto a bed. I began to worry as he didn't say a single word to me whilst doing so. 'Sacha, what's wrong? If it's about what happened between me and Connie, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have hit her. It's just she brought my mum into it so I just lashed out.' I said beginning to cry.

'Hey, don't cry it's alright.' He said letting me sob into his chest. 'Jac, I wasn't told why you've been brought here. What happened between the two of you?' He asked.

I told him everything, he was one of my closest friends and despite the fact that I'd been a total bitch towards him, he was always there for me. When I'd finished he just sat and stared at me, 'Jac, you're four months pregnant and you just had a violent fight with your best friend who also happens to be your boss. You've got balls, I can tell you that, but you could have lost your baby. I'm going to do an ultrasound just to be on the safe side.' He said, telling Eddi to go and find one.

As soon as she came back I pulled my top to reveal my slightly swollen stomach, Sacha rubbed the cold jelly on my tummy and pressed the scan on my stomach. He moved it around for a long time, his face becoming increasingly worried. 'Jac, when was your last scan.' He said worriedly.

'A month ago, why?' I asked, his manor panicking me.

'Have you been experiencing any pain or bleeding?' He asked.

'A little pain but its fine. What's going on?' I said, my hands shaking.

'Jac, I can't find the heartbeat. It could just be the scanner, but I'm worried that you may have lost the baby. I'm going to get someone to call Oliver for you and we'll get maternity down here okay.' He said.

'Eddie, I can't find the baby's heartbeat. Please phone Oliver and maternity quickly.' Said Sacha, worry etched across his face.

'That's terrible, is she alright?' Asked Eddi, she sounded concerned.

'No, she's been through so much already.' He said heading over to Elliott who was standing nearby. 'Elliott' he explained what was wrong and asked him whether he would sit with Jac, seeing as he was needed in theatre. Elliott agreed, wanting to do whatever he could to help. With Sacha gone Elliott went to find Jac, she was lying on the bed, her face pale and tearstained. She shook like a leaf, not even looking up to see who'd entered the room.

'Jac, I'm so sorry.' He said, looking at her piteously. Taking her hand in his.

Just then Eddi came in 'Miss Naylor, I'm so sorry but Dr Valentine's in theatre and I can't get hold of him. Also a doc from maternity's here so is it alright if he does the scan now?' She said, the look on her face was one of both concern and kindness.

'Send him in. Would be able to go and get Oliver and explain what's going on.' Jac said, her voice quiet and broken.

'Sure, is there anything else I can get you?' She asked, Jac said nothing. Eddi left, understanding what Jac was going through. The doctor came in and set to work, explaining everything as he did so.

'Would you just shut up?' Said Jac, it was obvious that he had begun to annoy her. 'Just tell me what's going on and nothing else, okay.' She said bluntly. He carried on, silence hanging over them all. After five minutes or so, of awkward silence, they heard the noise that they'd all been waiting for. The thud thud thud of a tiny heart. As soon as Jac heard it, her face lit up. Squeezing Elliott's hand tightly.

'Is it alright?' She asked.

'It's fine. I guess the scanner that was used earlier was faulty, you don't know how sorry I am for the stress this has caused you.' He said kindly.

At that moment Oliver came running through the door. 'It's fine' I said simply. 'Everything's going to be fine.'

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><p><strong>Remember to review x<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm really sorry i haven't updated in a while, my laptop deleted this chapter so I had to rewrite it and I've had to revise as well. Any ideas you have would be really great as I'm becoming a little suck so please pm me. thanks for all your wonderful reviews, they mean a lot.**

**Sophie x**

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><p>A week later and Connie and I were still ignoring each other. We'd spent most of that week glaring each other across the ward. It was an uphill struggle, hobbling around all day at the same time as being five months pregnant. I became so stressed that I worried that the strain would affect the baby. We were both on call that night and the atmosphere was dreadful. I needed to get some kip, so I went to the on call room to find Connie sat on the bed.<p>

At that moment the door slammed behind me and I heard Mary-Claire shout 'neither of you are coming out until you've resolved your issues. None of us can work like this anymore and if you two keep this up you'll both end up getting the sack.'

'Nurse Carter, I suggest that you open this door right now before I tell Mr Hanssen. He won't be pleased to hear that one of his senior nurses has taken it upon herself to meddle in a consultant's private life.' I said threateningly.

'Given that this was Hanssen's idea, I don't think he'll be too harsh on me.' She replied, walking away.

We both stood at separate ends of the small room. We both knew that we'd have to talk, but neither of us had a clue of what to say. We spent at least ten minutes just glaring at each other before either of us had made any notion that we wanted to resolve things. I decided that I wasn't going to speak first seeing as I was the one who had come off worst.

'Jac, I'm sorry.' She said, her eyes glazed over with tears. 'I shouldn't have said what I did. It was horrible and disrespectful of me.'

'But you still said it. I can't be friends with someone who would that. I can't do that to myself, not again.' I said, my voice faltering a little.

'And I'm sorry, but you can't make it out like you didn't retaliate.' She said strongly. 'Jac, I'm so sorry and I can't believe what's happened. I regret it so much, I lost my temper and so did you. I never knew how nasty the ice queens could get.'

'I'm sorry too.' I said, pulling her into a hug. 'Let's get a coffee, Joseph should be here soon.'

'Well before we can do that, we need to get out of here.' She said laughing.

'Right, I'll phone Sacha. I'm going to kill Mary-Claire next time I see her.' I said, pulling my phone out of my pocket. 'Sacha, hi it's Jac. Could you do me a massive favour?'

'Depends.' He said laughing.

'Connie and I have been locked in the on call room on Darwin, by a soon to be dead, Mary-Claire. Would you be able to send someone to let us out or come up yourself?' I asked, I knew I must have sounded like a right idiot.

'Sure, I'll come up myself. Why did Mary-Claire lock you in there in the first place?' He questioned.

'Doesn't matter, just come and let us out. I'm pregnant and I need the loo.' I said, hoping that that would hurry him up.

'I'm on my way.' He said, I could hear a lift opening in the background.

Five minutes later we heard Sacha unlocking the door. He opened it, doing his best not to laugh. I rushed out and went to the loo. Saying thanks to Sacha as I passed him. When I was finished in the toilet I went back to my office to find Connie and Sacha studying the notes of a patient.

'Sacha, we're going to get a coffee. Do you want to come?' I said, grabbing my purse.

'Sure, I'm buying.' He said kindly. I chucked my purse on my desk and the three of us left. On our way down we discussed Michael's issues with Annalease, we felt pretty bad for him. At the café Sacha went and got three coffees and him a muffin. I still had half an hour before I needed to meet Joseph in my office. After twenty minutes we said our goodbyes to Sacha and headed back up to Darwin. Connie went to see to her patients whilst I went to my office to prepare for Joseph.

I put down my crutches and just sat there staring into space. I had no idea what to say to him. I wasn't sure whether he knew about me and Ollie or the baby. How would he react, it's not like I'd be able to hide it from him, or could I? My stomach isn't visible whilst I sit at the desk and as long as I hold something in front of me he won't know. Obviously I'll have to tell him sooner or later, but I would be able keep the awkward conversation for a more suitable time.

I was disturbed from my thoughts by a knock at the door.

This is it, I thought before shouting 'Come in.'

He walked in, he was wearing a suit. He looked as handsome as ever, yet his face looked old and worn.

'Long time no see.' He said beaming down at me, he eyed my crutches and said 'Been having more road accidents have we.'

'No, I fell and sprained my ankle badly. How are you?' I asked, making sure that my stomach wasn't visible. 'Sit down; Connie won't mind, use her chair.'

'I'm good thank you and I heard about Connie. So what have I missed, lots must have happened in a year. I do get the odd piece of information from Elliott, but as you know he's not one to gossip.' He said taking a seat.

'Well as you can see, I'm now a consultant; Chrissie and Sacha have recently got together, Hamilton's gay and Hanssen and Petrenko are both part of a vampire society thing.' I said, not including anything about me.

'Very funny. You know you said Hamilton, you didn't mean Dan Hamilton the Orthopaedic registrar did you?' He asked.

'Yeah, he's now a consultant.' I replied.

'How about you, you with anyone?' He asked.

'Yes.' I said, I realised that my plan of lying was going to be a complete disaster. 'I'm engaged to Oliver Valentine.' I continued, standing up. 'And I'm pregnant.'

'Well, I didn't expect that.' He said staring at me. 'You happy.'

I walked over to him, I motioned to him to stand up and he did so. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. I whispered in his ear 'I missed you, but I can't. I'm happy with Ollie and I destroyed my chance of being with you by creating all that pain in the past. I'm so sorry.' I said letting go. At that moment Oliver walked in carrying a coffee.

'Sorry, I didn't know you had company.' He said handing me the coffee. 'How was your night with Connie, you killed her yet?'

'No.' I laughed.' We talked and resolved everything. Go to bay three and I'll meet you there in a minute.' I said giving him a kiss.

'Okay babe.' He said leaving. I grabbed my crutches and got to my feet, I hobbled back

'You know where everything is, right?' I asked. He nodded. 'Right, don't bother reacquainting yourself with Mr Douglas as today is his last day. By the way we haven't been told about cover so everyone's agreed to do extra shifts. Also I would advise you to stay away from Hanssen as he's having some personal trouble. By the way bay six is having a valve replacement at twelve, I want you to assist. Do his pre-op checks, and then see to the transfer from AAU. Page or call me if you have any problems. Okay?'

'Yes, Ms Naylor.' He said as we walked back to the ward.

'Oh and would you like me to introduce you to the new lot at Albie's this evening. I know that Sacha is desperate to catch up.' I said walking over to Ollie.

'Here's Billy Allen, 52, shortness of breath, chest pain, possible aortic stenosis.' He said handing me the notes.

'Right, full blood count, CT scan and an ECG. Any previous medical conditions or surgery?'

'No, have you got any idea of what's wrong with me?' He asked.

'We'll be able to tell you more as soon as we've done some tests. We'll keep you nil-by-mouth for now. Is there anyone we can call for you?' I asked, I began to think about how many times I'd asked that question before.

'No, my wife's on holiday.' He said, Oliver and I completed our rounds together. I went to find Joseph as we needed to start scrubbing up. 'Joseph, is Mr Adams ready for theatre?' I asked.

'Yes, I'll meet you there in a minute.' He said.

In theatre we were mid-way through the procedure when his BP began dropping. 'Right we've got a bleed. I need packs.' I said trying to stop the bleed. 'Suction.' Then the monitors went off. 'He's in VF, paddles.' I shouted.

'And 5mgs of adrenaline.' Said Joseph.

'Clear!' I shouted, shocking him. 'And again, clear!' nothing changed. 'Okay last time, clear!' Nothing. 'Time of death 12:24.'

'Shall I close up?' Asked Joseph.

'If you would.' I said removing my gloves and mask.

I left theatre and went to check on Mr Allen, I passed Oliver on my way.

'How did it go?' He asked holding my hand.

'He died on the table.' I replied.

'I'm sorry.' He said kissing me on the cheek.

'I was thinking, we've got the five months scan coming up, would you like to find out the sex of the baby? It would make thinking of names a hell of a lot easier.' I asked.

'I would, have you been thinking about names already?' He asked.

'Yeah, for a boy Jack and a girl Jill.' I said sarcastically.

'Hilarious.' He replied.

'I was thinking for a girl Danni and a middle name of Penny after your sister. For a boy I thought of Jason.' I said.

'I love the idea of Penny for a middle name, I thought of Jamie for a girl or perhaps Charley. I think we should definitely have a unisex name.' He said.

'Let's talk about this properly tonight, okay.' I said.

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><p><strong>Please remember to review x<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**I found this pretty difficult to write as what's happenning to Ollie happenned to me last year so i'm sorry if that part isn't up to scratch. Please carry on reviewing and the idea about the america thing is a good one and i may interpret into my own sort of thing!**

**Sophie x**

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><p>That evening everyone was sat in the bar together. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. Me, Oliver, Michael, Connie, Joseph, Elliott, Sacha, Chrissie, Eddi, Luc, Ric, Mary-Claire, Frieda, Dan, Malick, Tara and newbie Serena. We were all gathered around the table, I was sat in Oliver's arms, chatting to Chrissie and Connie. We were discussing babies; I never thought that I'd actually ever be having a conversation about nappies and the best brand of wet wipes. We could hear Dan, Ollie, Sacha, Malick and Joseph talking about last night's football scores. Tara and Frieda were trying to comfort a broken hearted Mary-Claire; it turned out that Greg's departure had caused more heartache than he'd realised. At the other end of the table Luc and Eddi were sat together talking quietly. Michael however was being the complete opposite to his fellow colleagues; he was trying his best to chat up a new nurse. Ric and Elliott were sat in the corner feeling very out of place.<p>

'Right.' I said loudly, catching everyone's attention. 'As you all know, Ollie and I are getting married and we just wanted to ask Elliott whether he would do us the honour of walking me down the aisle. I don't have any family and I can't think of anyone that I'd want more.'

'Of course, I would love two.' He said smiling at me.

'We also wanted to ask Connie and Chrissie to be bridesmaids. I know we haven't actually planned it yet, but as you know I've always been one for planning ahead.' I said.

'Of course, I'd be honoured.' Said Connie, kissing me on the cheek.

'I'd love to.' Said Chrissie.

We all began laughing again when I felt a massive kick in my stomach. 'Wow!' I said loudly, clutching my stomach.

'Jac what's wrong, is the baby alright.' Said Ollie panicking.

'Yeah it's kicking, I've had little flutters before but that was a pretty big one.' I replied putting his hand on my stomach. It kicked again.

'Wow, that's amazing.' He said. 'So what are we going to call this little one?'

'I was looking online earlier and I thought of Abigail.' I said.

'I like that, Greg came up with Gregina for a girl and Gregory for a boy.' He said laughing.

'What about Alex, it would work for a boy or a girl.' Said Connie.

'I like that.' I replied.

'When I had Daniel I thought of Billie for a girl and Tom for a boy.' Said Chrissie.

'I think we'll wait until we know the sex before we decide what to call it.' I said. 'Ah, that reminds me, Ollie your parents called yesterday. They want to have dinner tomorrow, I wanted to warn you, I'm not so good at the whole parent thing'

'I wouldn't say that, my Dad loved you, remember and I mean that literally. I don't think that you and my mum hit it off though.' Said Joseph sarcastically, confusing Oliver.

'Oliver a word of warning, keep Jac away from your dad.' Said Ric, the rest of the group laughed .

'That's enough you two.' I said seriously.

'What?' Said Oliver, a puzzled look etched across his face.

'Nothing, we were just saying how much Jac likes the older gentlemen. I get it now Jac, you slept with Lord Byrne to make you feel younger and now you're with Oliver to make you feel more powerful.' Laughed Michael.

'You see, she doesn't like people her own age.' Said Connie, joining in on the fun.

'What is this, pick on Jac day? All of you are divorced so why don't you just shut up. Joseph, you married a mass-murderer. Ric, you've been married four times. Connie, you married a cheat and a con. And Michael, you were the cheat and the con. Are you sure you and Michael Beauchamp aren't related or something?' I said fighting back, everyone just stopped and stared.

'I've got to get back to AAU; it was nice seeing you again Joseph.' Said Michael leaving.

'I'll join you.' Said a hurt Ric.

'Me too.' Said Connie following them.

'Fine, then.' I said, ignoring them.

'Hit a nerve have they?' Said Luc, causing everyone to start laughing again.

'The rest of you can stop laughing. Luc, I don't know you but I've heard how much of a freak you are. Eddi, you look like a lesbian. Chrissie, you got engaged to a quire. Dan, except it, you're gay. Sacha, I thought you had more self-respect than to go after another guys castoffs. Mary-Claire, get over it, you had a crush, it's not the end of the world. Frieda, Dracula called, he wants his fangs back. Tara, I don't think I've ever met anyone as annoying as you. Malick if you want to be a good doctor, get your head out of Hanssen's ass and try being a little less off a suck up, before you completely fuck up. And Finally Elliott, grow a pair.' I shouted, I was surprised that no one had stopped me, everyone just stared at me. I grabbed my bag and my crutches and stormed out.

'I'm so sorry; she's just been under a lot of stress at the moment. I know that she didn't mean any of the things she said.' Said Ollie rushing after me. He called my name but I just ignored him. I stormed through the street, the pouring rain soaking my clothes.

I got into a cab and paid the driver. He ran to the window and said 'Jac, whatever it is, I still love you.'

'I'll go to a hotel tonight. I need some rest, we can talk tomorrow.' I said motioning for the driver to go.

'Jac wait!' He called, he ran after the taxi. I watched him through the rear view mirror. I saw his face look to the side, I saw the car go into him, I saw him get thrown to the pavement.

'Stop! Stop the car!' I screamed, climbing out of the cab and trying my best to run over to an unconscious Oliver. I throw my crutches to the floor and knelt down beside him. 'Oliver, can you hear me? 'Ollie, it's me Jac.' I said, tears blurring my vision.

'Do you want me to call an ambulance?' Asked the cab driver.

'No, go into the bar. There is a group of doctors in there. Ask for a man called Elliott and tell him it's Oliver, get Joseph as well.' I said, I checked for a pulse, to my relief there was one. I got out my phone and called an ambulance. Two minutes later Elliott and Sacha came running out, followed by a group of worried people. 'He's got a pulse, but he's not breathing.' I said trying to perform CPR.

'Right Jac, move out of the way.' Said Elliott, putting his hand on my shoulder.

'No!' I shouted.' He's not going to die, I can't lose him as well.'

'Jac, move.' Said Sacha.

'No.' I replied. Joseph grabbed hold of me and dragged me away, allowing Sacha and Elliott to help a lifeless Oliver. 'Joseph let go of me!' I shouted. I began to hit him hard but I can't escape his grasp. He held me tight, no matter how much I hurt him, he wouldn't let go. I heard the sirens of the ambulance loud in my ear, it drowned out my screams and the worried voices of those who surrounded us. Everything just seemed to turn into a blur, my legs gave way and I dropped to the floor.

I lay on the wet concrete, letting the world move on around me. I closed my eyes and prayed that he'd be alright. I didn't know who I was praying to, I wasn't a god botherer. If there is a god, he's never done anything to help me; he's only ever made my life worse. If there is a god, I'm going straight to hell. I couldn't believe that it had taken me this long to realise that he was all that mattered, him and our baby. I didn't know how much I loved him until now, he means everything to me.

I felt a warm hand touch my frozen arm, I looked up to see Joseph his arm outstretched. He helped me to my feet and handed me my crutches. Ollie was on an ambulance bed, an oxygen mask on his mouth, orange blocks by his head and straps across his body. I held his hand as they took him into the ambulance; I so badly wished that he'd squeeze it. His eyes were tightly shut, his face covered in bruises and cuts. Elliott joined us in the back of the ambulance, his presents was a great comfort.

'Elliott, I'm so sorry.' I said in a voice that was far from my own. 'I shouldn't have said what I did.'

'Jac, we all know that you didn't mean it. We understand, you've been through so much recently.' He replied, wiping away the tears on my face.

'Has he broken his back?' I asked, holding Ollie's hand tightly.

'We won't know the damage until we do tests, but I would prepare yourself for the worst. He's likely to have internal bleeding and possible brain damage.' He said gravely, we slid a little as the ambulance went round the corner.

When we arrived, Connie and Michael took charge and wheeled him straight into theatre. I followed and began to scrub up.

'Jac what are you doing?' Connie asked, putting her hand on my arm.

'I'm scrubbing up.' I replied.

'But you can't operate; it's against every rule in the book.' She said.

'Well I'll deal with the consequences.' I said, shaking her off me.

'And they'll be that Oliver will die because you can't cope under the pressure. Leaving you alone and your baby fatherless. On top of that you would lose your job. Or you could make a small slip and he could become paralysed, ruining his career.' She said harshly. 'I know that you may think that I'm being a bitch, but I'm merely giving you a glimpse at reality.'

'Fine, but if anything happens to him, I'm holding you responsible.' I replied.

I went over to Oliver, I kissed him gently on his head. My tears splashed onto his lifeless face, I stroked his cheek before kissing him again for what could be the last time. I left theatre alive not knowing if he'd do the same…

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><p>I'm not sure whether i should kill Ollie off and turn it into a Jac and Joe fic or carry on or leave this fic altogether and start another one... plz review x<p> 


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi please review as i don't know whether to kill off Ollie and where i am at the moment i think i may kill Jac as well... please give me some ideas as i'm no good at making these sorts of life changing decisions! I'm desperate people please review!**

**Sophie x**

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><p>After a long hour of relentless thinking, I fell into a deep sleep. My mind was filled with Oliver; I dreamt that he made it and that we had a baby girl named Hope, it seemed that that was all I needed right now. We got married on a beach in Cyprus and it was perfect. I became the DOS and he qualified as a registrar, we then had triplets, two identical girls called Natasha and Natalie and a boy called Liam. We had our family and everything was just as we wanted. But I was dragged back into reality by Sacha shaking me a little<p>

Connie had come out of theatre, by the look on her face; I could tell that it wasn't good news. She looked down at me, tears in her eyes. Michael came to join her, a grave expression plastered onto his face.

'Connie, what's happened? He's not… 'I said putting my head in my hands.

'No, but we're going to get a neurosurgeon up here to take a look at him and Mr Hamilton is going to take a look at his spine but things aren't looking good.' She said, putting her hand on my arm.

'When he landed he didn't break his spine but he could have broken his ribs and they could have punctured his lung. I'm so sorry but you need to prepare yourself for the worst.' Said Michael, I could see the pity in his sparkling eyes.

'Thank you, I know that you did your best. I'm sorry for before, I was out of order.' I said, my voice broken.

'No, you weren't, you had every right to be annoyed. I heard what you said to the rest of my staff. I wouldn't worry yourself about them, they'll get over it. We're moving him to ITU now, okay.' She said as Oliver was taken from theatre.

'Who told you what I said?' I asked, surprised how fast it had got to her.

'Chrissie was the scrub nurse. I must say you were rather harsh on Tara but you were right about Malick and Eddi.' Said Michael as we stepped into the lift.

'Jac, come back to mine tonight, you need to get some rest.' Said Connie.

'I can't, I have to stay here. I'll stay in the on-call room if I have to, I've got to be close enough so that if something happens I'll be able to get there.' I said as we entered ITU.

'Okay, Nurse Williams would you page Dr Hamilton and someone from neurology for me please.' She asked Chrissie.

I walked over to Oliver and sat on the edge of his bed; I leant my crutches on the chair and took his hand in mine. I stroked his face, he looked so peaceful. I hated that he was attached up to a ventilator, unable to even breathe for himself. Connie walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

'Would you like me to contact his parent?' She asked kindly.

'I should do it.' I said, standing up.

'If you're sure.' She replied. I nodded in response and rose from the bed.

With my weight supported by the crutches, I steadily made my way to my office. I slumped myself on my chair and dumped the crutches on the floor. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, my hands shaking violently. I asked Siri (the voice on the iphone 4s) to phone Oliver's parents.

'Hello!' Said Oliver's mother, Ann.

'Hi, we spoke a few days ago, I'm Jac Naylor, Oliver's fiancé.' I said, trying my best not to sound upset.

'Oh, hello, how are you?' She asked, silly mystified as to what was going on.

'Well, it's Ollie. He was hit by a car last night.' I said, my heart dropped as I heard her gasp.

'Oh my god, is he alright?' She asked, I could tell from her voice that she was crying.

'We're still waiting for test results but it's better if you come sooner rather than later.' I said, I did my best to be strong.

'We'll be there as soon as possible. Is it possible for us to meet in reception in about half an hour.' She replied.

'Of course, I'll see you then.' I said, putting down the phone.

I sat in the office just staring into space. I had no idea of what was to come and I didn't want to know. What if he didn't make it? What would happen then? My pager suddenly bleeped, it was Oliver. I grabbed my crutches and ran out of the room. There was a wheel chair just outside my office. I sat in it, when I was a HO me and friends would do wheelchair racing, finally my stupidity has paid off. I wheeled myself through the hospital; the looks that were thrown at me were not my problem. When I reached ITU, I got out of the wheelchair and made my way towards Oliver.

He was in VF and Connie was shocking him.

'Clear!' She shouted. 'Come on Oliver you can do this. And again, clear! Nothing, one last time. Clear.'

He was dead.

'No, he can't be.' I screamed, Connie looked at me, her tearstained face offered a little comfort.

'Time of death 03:29. Jac I'm so sorry.' She said walking over to me.

I ignored her sympathy and walked towards the bed. In one quick movement I grabbed the paddles charged them and shocked him. A second later I heard the sound of his pulse.

He was alive.

'Okay get him back on the ventilator, get me a neurosurgeon down here and page both Mr Spence and Mr Hanssen.' Shouted Connie, the look in her eye was on of danger. 'And somebody tell me why the hell he just went into crisis. Jac, you never do that again. You could lose your job over this. I mean what the bloody hell were you thinking?' She said angrily.

'That he wasn't going to go and die on me. His parents have recently lost Penny; they're not going to lose him as well.' I said, arguing back.

'This isn't about them or what they've been through. This is about you and you being selfish.' She replied, the outrageous bitch.

'If it's so selfish to want to save the man you love, then shoot me. I don't give a damn whether I lose my job. All that really matters is my family.' I said, I could feel the anger running through my veins. 'And people call me heartless, you don't care whether he's dead or alive do you, all you care about is whether your fucking pay check is big enough.'

'Of course, I don't give a shit whether my best friend's fiancé dies. Get over yourself Jac, I don't give a flying fuck whether you think I'm a horrible person, I do however care when you accuse me of being heartless. You need to remember who took you in after you and Oliver split up and who was there for you when your daughter died and who never complained about their own problems. No matter what shit I went through, I always put you first and never asked for thanks. I just found out that Sam's coming back from America and wants to see his daughter, she knows very little about her dad and it's been better like that. I don't know what I'm going to do if he wants access to her again, she's my daughter and I love her, it's hard enough leaving her when I go to work. But you wouldn't know that I've been having a tough time too, I know that it doesn't compare but for once I may need a shoulder to cry on. But I put your needs before my own. If that's not caring for others I don't know what is.' She said, I'd had no idea that Sam was coming back. I felt guiltier than ever before. Connie had done so much for me and I was repaying her by being a total bitch.

'I'm so sorry. I need to go and find Oliver's parents; they should be in reception by now.' I said, I gave her a massive hug before leaving. I grabbed some notes and headed out.

I stood in the lift with a Nurse Mckee, Dr Hemmingway and an unconscious patient on a bed. As the lift began to move, the sound of screaming hit us. It grew louder and louder as we etched nearer and nearer. The doors opened quickly to reveal a devastating sight, three people laid dead on the floor. In fear I held the notes tightly to my stomach. There were terrified people sat on the floor, blood splattered on nearby walls. I looked around for evidence of what had happened, I came across a tall masked figure holding what was unmistakably a gun.

'Down, on the floor like the rest or you'll end up like these idiots.' Spoke the gunman, the voice sounded familiar. I heard Eddi and Luc sit down quickly behind me. I looked around and saw Oliver's parents sat on the floor, Ann's eyes glistened with tears. 'I said on the floor, Jac.' The masked figure ripped of their mask to reveal that it is in fact a woman. And not just any woman. A dangerous woman. And only a woman as feared as her could go under the name...

**(keep scrolling)**

**FAYE MORTON**

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Please review! Who dies you decide! (And if I don't get any reviews I've decided that I'm going to kill them all and begin a new story!)<strong>


	20. Chapter 20

'Faye!' I said dropping the files on the floor. She watched them fall and began to stare at my rounded stomach.

'Now I was not expecting that, let me guess, Joseph got you up the duff did he.' She snarled.

'No, it's not Joseph's. It's nothing to do with him.' I replied standing my ground.

'Oh, I see so you cheated on him and got pregnant. Then had another bike crash, I'm surprised you survived, seeing as it's your second bike crash. It's a shame really, I'm sure I'm not the only one that wants you dead. Probably did it on purpose. If was as much of a bitch as you I'd want to top myself too. Then he found out and dumped you. I pity that child.' She laughed vilely, the gun no pointed at me.

'I didn't have bike crash, I fell and anyway you're the one who tried to top themselves. And actually, it's my fiancés. The man I love, but you don't actually know what love is, four marriages and each one until Joseph has mysteriously turned up dead.' I snapped back, I could feel my temper rising.

'Who are you engaged to, Hanssen? ' She said sarcastically, a large grin spread across her face.

'I don't think that it's any of your business.' I replied, realising that we had an audience.

'Well, given that I'm holding the gun, I don't think that you should be so stubborn.' She said her finger on the trigger.

'Why are you here Faye?' I asked trying to keep her calm.

'I wasn't my son back.' She said.

'Don't you think that there are better ways in which you could have handled this? You're not going to get Harry back, as soon as the police get here, you'll be arrested for murder. There is no way you'll ever see Harry after this.' I explained, making it clear to her how much trouble she'd coursed herself.

'Jac, stop it just protect the baby.' Shouted Ann, her face filled with fright.

'Shut up! Now Jac, you over the years have coursed me more pain than anyone else. I think it's time you understand what it's like to be on the other end of this.' She barked but before she could shoot me, Hanssen came up behind her and grabbed the gun from her steady hands. He chucked it as far as he could and restrained Faye in one in swift movement. Seconds later the police were on top of her, arresting her immediately.

Before she was taken away she shouted 'This isn't over Naylor, I always get my revenge!'

'Not this time.' Replied Hanssen, closing the door of the police car.

I rushed over to Ann and Tony 'Are you okay, I'm so sorry.' I said, I began to cry again.

'We're fine, we need to go to Oliver. Has there been any change?' She asked as we headed up the stairs.

'He went into Cardiac arrest but after quite a while we got him back. There is an increased possibility of him being brain damaged, but we're going to have to wait for further tests.' I said, I felt a rather large kick, making me yelp.

'Jac, are you alright?' I asked Ann worriedly.

'I'm fine, the babies kicking quite hard though.' I said, my hand rested on my bump, dropping my crutch. Tony hurriedly picked it up and handed it to me.

'If you're sure, when's your next scan. You're five months, right.' She said as we carried on walking.

'Later on today, we're going to find out the sex.' I replied, I could feel a strange sensation running through my stomach.

'Oh, I can't believe that Oliver's going to miss it.' She replied opening the door.

We carried on along the long corridor in silence, before we entered ITU I said 'When you see him it may be a bit of shock, he's in a coma so he can't feel any pain.'

We entered the room, Oliver lay there still yet alive, but for how long? He was so close to death that I was beginning to run out of hope. I'd never been an optimistic person and that obviously didn't help. Ann held his hand and wept. My appointment was in half an hour and I was going to have to do it alone. I didn't want Oliver's parents there, I wanted Oliver. But I knew that it wasn't possible, so I had to decide who to ask. Connie was out of the question, I couldn't ask any more of her.

I could ask Elliott and Sacha to come; they were most likely going to be the god parents so it would be the best possible option. I walked over to Oliver's bed and said, 'I'll be back as soon as I can. Please don't give up, if it wasn't for you neither me nor our baby would be alive, I can't lose you. I love you.' I kissed his cheek and left him, as I walked away I did my best not to cry.

As I made my way down the stairs, I felt a shooting pain in the lower part of my stomach. I screamed out in pain, clutching at my rounded stomach. I sat on the step, breathing hectically. I could feel the baby kicking; it was as if it was distressed. After a few minutes the pain subsided and I let out a sigh of relief. I got up steadily, holding onto the bannister and carried on my journey to Darwin.

When I reached the quiet ward, I saw Elliot and Tara speaking to a patient, so I sat at the nurse's station. When they'd finished they began chatting and headed over to where I was sat. I was greeted by a massive and unwanted hug from Tara.

'I'm so sorry about Oliver. How is he, it's such a tragedy.' She said bursting into tears.

'Never ever do that again okay? Anyway, he's still in a coma and the tests are inconclusive.' I could see her face drop as I delivered the terrible news. 'Elliott, I'm having my 5 months scan in about twenty minutes, would you come. It's fine if you can't, I perfectly understand.' I said, I decided not to mention the pain, it would only worry him.

'Sure. Tara, tell Mrs Beauchamp and Mr Byrne to cover for me.' Said Elliott.

'Tara, I'd be grateful if you didn't tell Connie that Elliott was coming.' I added.

'My lips are sealed.' She said heading off to find Joseph and Connie.

The ward phone rang so I answered it 'Darwin.'

'Hi this is Nurse Mckee I need a bed for a twenty year old female, one of Mr Byrne's patients.' Said Eddi, she sounded beyond bored.

'Fine, I'll page him. Is Mr Levy there by any chance?' I asked, hoping that he would be.

'He's right here, would you like me to pass you over.' She said, I could hear Sacha asking who it was in the background.

'Yes.' I replied, it sounded busy so I hoped that he'd be able to take the time away.

'Sacha Levy.' He said.

'Hi, it's Jac. Would you be able to take your break in about ten minutes?' I asked.

'Hi, umm I'm sure they could cope without me. Is there something you want?' he said, I heard Eddi say that she'd be glad to get rid of him.

'I've got a scan in about fifteen minutes, Elliott's coming but I'd appreciate your company too.' I replied.

'Of course, I'll meet you in maternity in about five minutes, okay.' He said putting the phone down.

Elliott and I made our way to Maternity. We arrived to find Sacha already there waiting for us. He walked over and gave me a well needed Levy hug. We greeted each other politely before sitting in the waiting room in silence.

I was more nervous than ever before. I began to thin back to the pain, what if there was a problem with baby, or what if it was my kidney. If there was something wrong with the kidney, it could affect the baby. I began to think of horrific scenarios, making myself more and more worked up. I panicked so much that if it hadn't been for the nurse calling my name, I would have most likely run a mile. The three of us rose from our seats and headed.

'Okay Miss Naylor, you are 21 weeks now. Who's the father?' Asked the doctor, looking at Elliott and Sacha who were stood by my sides.

'Neither of us, the father is currently in hospital. We're Jac's close friends.' Said Elliott smiling at me.

'Okay, I'm sorry to hear that. Right, if you would take a seat and lift up your top for me please.' She said, I sat down and lifted my top to reveal my bump. 'Have you had any problems recently, anything unusual, any worries?'

'Umm, I've been experiencing some pain in my lower abdomen, I get a sort of stabbing and then it goes after a few minutes.' I said, Sacha looked at me worriedly.

'Jac, you need to tell us this. Especially after what happened last time.' Said Sacha concerned.

'I'm sure it's nothing to worry about but let's take a look. Are you able to feel the baby kicking regularly?' She asked, applying the lubricant.

'I can feel it now.' I said, taking both Elliot's and Sacha's hands in mine.

'That's good.' She said as she began to use the ultrasound. 'And here is your baby. It's looking healthy and is growing well.'

'Thank god.' I whispered, breathing a sigh of relief.

'Would you like to know the sex?' She asked, moving the ultrasound around my stomach.

'Yes, please.' I said, I was ready.

'Okay, here's your little…' She said, looking closely at the scanner. 'Girl.'

'I'm having a girl!' I said, my eyes filling with tears.

'Congratulations!' Chorused Elliott and Sacha.

'Would you like me to leave it on the screen for a moment?' Asked the doctor, I nodded in reply.

I just stared at my beautiful little girl, tears pouring down my cheeks. Elliott squeezed my hand and put his hand on my shoulder. I looked at the two men behind me, both of them in tears. The doctor returned and handed me some pictures of the baby. We bid her fair well and left.

Outside Elliott scooped me into a massive hug and kissed me softly on the cheek. 'I'm so chuffed for the two of you. You should get back to him.' He said, a smile spread across his warm face.

'Go to him, tell him the good news. He may not seem to acknowledge it, but you know that he can hear you.' Said Sacha also hugging me.

On my way back up to Oliver I saw Hanssen. 'Ahh, Miss Naylor.' He said. 'I was hoping to bump into you. How's Dr Valentine?'

'Why?' I said, I knew that wasn't the only thing that he wanted.

'I was concerned about a colleague and I'm beginning to worry about another one. Are you not coping?' he asked, poking his nose into place where it wasn't wanted.

'I'm coping perfectly fine thank you.' I said firmly. 'Look, just tell me what you want; I need to get back to my fiancé.'

'I'm well aware of that.' He said, I was beginning to get annoyed by his dull tone. 'I was informed that you had your 5 months scan today, I assume it had a positive result.'

'Yes, the baby's fine and we're having a baby girl.' I said, I wasn't quite sure why I was telling him this.

'Congratulations. I presume that she'll become as ambitious and stubborn like her mother, let's hope she doesn't inherit your arrogance.' He said, making me snap.

'Oy, I suggest you lay off, I'm pregnant and hormonal so watch your back.' I snapped, pointing my finger at him.

'Miss Naylor, I will put your rudeness down to stress and hormones and let you off with a warning. But remember who you're talking to. Anyway, I needed to inform you that due to Mrs Beauchamp taking time off work, I've been forced to withdraw the funding for CTU. The board and I needed to find money for your temporary replacements and try as we could, we were unable to find anywhere else. Cuts needed to be made and seeing as it's your department which is causing this mini crisis we thought that it would be most appropriate. We currently have two consultants unable to work, an F2 in a coma and I've just been informed that your replacement was shot earlier by Faye Morton, she's currently in the morgue.' He said, he showed no emotion when telling me that Dr Bennet was dead.

'Why?' I asked, his news had come as a bit of shock.

'Cuts have to be made, it's as simple as that.' he said, he wasn't even paying attention to me.

'That's all you're going to give me. Out of the blue you just decide to dynamite my department.' I said, I began to fully grasp what he'd said.

'I was under the impression that it was the hospitals department.' He said.

'Then why can't someone else take the bullet?' I said, I didn't care whether Keller had to be closed, just as long as he left my department alone. 'Why can't you just fire half of the nurses, most of them are useless anyway!'

'Miss Naylor.' He said quietly.

'This is about Sahira isn't it?' I said, testing his temper. 'Now that she's gone you don't need to…'

'I think that's enough.' He said, cutting me off.

'So what are you leaving me with?' I asked.

'Well, you're still a consultant on Darwin.' He said. Adding 'For now' Quietly.

He left me standing on the stairs in utter outrage.


	21. Chapter 21

I felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. I did my best to walk back to Oliver, my mind going over Hanssen's words again and again. Walking into ITU, I suddenly felt my heart jump up in the air. Oliver had his eyes open and was talking to his mother. When he looked at me, his face lit up. I rushed to his bedside and kiss him gently. I began to cry as I sat down beside him. His mother and father left the room to give us a few minutes privacy.

'I had the scan.' I said, beaming at him.

'Really, did you find out the sex?' He said quietly, his voice broken.

'Yes, we're having a girl.' I said, as soon as I told him his smile became ever wider.

'Wow, is she alright.' He asked, I decided that it would be unwise to tell him about the pain.

'Yeah, she's absolutely fine.' I said lying as best I could.

'Thank god. So, we need to start thinking about names for our little princess.' He said, taking my hand and kissing it.

'No we don't. We need to get you some rest. I can't believe I wasn't here when you woke up. Is everything alright?' I asked, I was worried that he wasn't telling me something.

'Everything's fine. Joseph told me that my ribs are intact and that the bleeding has stopped. I'm going to be moved to Holby Care in the next few days and they hope that I won't have any further surgery or complications.' He said professionally.

'Are you feeling any tingling? Any pins and needles? Any dizziness? Any headaches? Are you in any pain?' I asked, my doctor training forcing its way into our conversation.

'No, no, no, no, yes.' He replied smiling.

'Sorry, do you want more painkillers' I said going over to his drip. 'I'm going to find Connie so I'll be back in a while. I've got to return to work tomorrow.'

'See you.' He replied, I hated leaving him but I knew I had to go try to salvage something of this situation.

I found Connie in the garden; she had tears running down her face and was looking at photo of Grace. She jumped as I came into view; she hurriedly wiped away her tears.

'Connie, what's wrong?' I asked sitting down beside her.

'Oh, nothing. I just got some bad news about a patient, that's all.' She said unconvincingly.

'I know that's not true Connie, what's happened?' I said seeing straight through her.

'Nothing, honestly. I'm just tired.' She said touching my hand.

'I'm always here if you need me, you know that.' I said leaving.

I went back up to Oliver to say goodbye. Today had been a long day and I had to work the next day, not to mention being 5 months pregnant. As soon as I arrived home I went straight to bed. Dreaming about what my life would have been like if hadn't ever met Oliver; let's just say it wasn't pleasant. I was living at home on my own; I was hated by all the staff and I was depressed. My face was grey and sad and my heart was colder than ever before. Then, Freya was there in my arms, until her mother snatched her away.

I awoke suddenly to find my face covered in tears. I rolled over to an empty side of the bed. I looked at the clock beside my lonely bed and realised that if I wanted to see Oliver before my shift, I'd have to get up quickly. I climbed out of bed and got myself changed; I could feel my little girl rolling around inside of me.

As soon as I was ready, I grabbed my keys and climbed into my car. On my way to work, my head was filled with baby names. The name Hope just stuck in mind. Where would Ollie and I be now if we'd been without hope?

As I approached the hospital, my heart began to beat faster and faster, like a butterfly inside my ribcage. I parked and headed inside, leaving my unneeded crutches. I felt strong, not only physically but mentally. I'd got my strength back, I'd got myself back. I went straight up to ITU to find Chrissie in floods of tears.

'What's happened?' I asked a distraught Chrissie.

'It's Sacha, he was stabbed!' She cried.

I walked towards an unconscious Sacha, his eyes tightly shut, his face pale and lifeless. I had my boy fiancé and my best friend both in ITU. Life was beginning to get ridiculous.

'Is he alright?' I asked, putting my arm around her.

'Michael says he should be awake by this evening but not to expect too much.' She explained, I could tell that it was breaking her.

'Would you like me to babysit Daniel?' I asked. 'I need to get as much practise as I can and it would give you one less thing to worry about.'

'Thanks Jac. Would it be alright if you looked after him tonight and tomorrow night?' She asked, I was glad I could help in some way.

'Sure, I'll collect him from the Crèche as soon as my shift has finished. I'll need his car seat, a bag of stuff and to know what he eats. Does he know about Sacha?' I replied.

'No, if you wouldn't mind just saying that he's just staying at aunty Jac's because Mummy and Daddy have to work. I'll say bye to him in a bit and tell him that he's going to stay with you. His car seat is in my car, so I'll get that for you later, I've got his stuff here and he likes pasta, just cook him a small bowl of that and he'll be fine.' She said, she handed me a bag and I went back to sit with Oliver.

''Who are you and what have you done with Jac Naylor?' He asked sarcastically.

'Shut up. When are they moving you to Holby Care?' I asked taking his hand in mine.

'In half an hour. So, you're babysitting now are you?' He said a large smile forming on his face.

'Yes and I'm looking forward to it.' I replied.

'Is motherhood mellowing you?' He mocked.

'Whatever. Look, I need to go but I'll come see you before I pick up Daniel.' I said kissing him on the cheek.

'Bye honey.' He said waving.

I was glad to be back on my busy ward; in some ways I'd missed it, yet in others I was glad to be away. I could see Joseph talking to one of the patients, Tara hovering behind him. I guessed that Elliott was in the office, so went to find him.

I found him sat at his desk reading up on the latest valve procedure. I walked towards my tidy desk and glanced across at his. He'd tidied his chaotic desk and for once it was in exemplary condition. The clutter had been thrown out and been replaced by a new Apple computer, a pencil pot and a pile of notes.

I realised when I sat down that Elliott hadn't even noticed that I'd entered the room. I looked at the older man again, his face still covered by a book. I got up and walked over to him, still he didn't make any movement. I peered over the large book to find Elliott fast asleep. Beside him was an empty coffee cup, I picked it up without making a sound and tossed it into the bin. But when it rolled onto the floor I realised that it was already overflowing with an endless amount of coffee cups.

I went back to a snoring Elliott, his midday nap was not only inconvenient, but unprofessional and if Hanssen caught him, which was likely as he had been snooping around my department recently, he would get the boot. I put my hand on his shoulder and shook him gently and he awoke with a start, sending his pot of pencils tumbling to the ground. He muttered something under his breath before smiling up at me. He had massive bags under his tired eyes and his face was becoming old and worn.

'Elliott, when was the last time you got some proper sleep?' I asked as he collected the scattered pencils.

'Since you and Mrs Beauchamp haven't been working, Joseph, Tara and I have been having to do double shifts. I must say, it has taken its toll.' He said, despite having to work extra shifts, there was no hidden anger in his voice.

'I'm sorry, I'll make sure that I do my fair share of shifts, it is my fault that Oliver and I have been off.' I said guiltily.

'Jac, you can't blame yourself for this and I know that nobody blames you. You need to give your conscience a rest and except the fact that this is not your doing.' He replied wisely.

'Thanks Elliott.' I said, I grabbed a large pile of patient notes and begun my ward rounds.

On the ward Tara was sat at the nurse's station, she was desperately trying to keep herself awake. I went over to her, I may not have liked her at first and maybe I may have miss judged her at first, but I knew that this was wrong. To say that it wasn't fair for them to be doing this, would be the understatement of the century.

'Tara, you've got an hour, go to the on call room and get some well needed sleep.' I instructed.

'Thanks Miss Naylor.' She said hurrying off to the on call room.

I suddenly got the feeling that someone was watching me; I turned around to see a smirking Joseph. His face was tired like Elliott's but it was clear that that wasn't going to stop him from being so cheerful. He walked over to me, a spring in his step.

'Jac, this evening would you be able to do me a favour?' He asked.

'I can't, I'm babysitting Daniel Levy.' I replied.

'That's great coz I was going to ask whether you could look after harry for me tonight.' He said.

'Fine, but why can't your babysitter do it?' I asked, sorting through a large pile of letters.

'She's ill.' He said simply.

'Sure, I'll pick him up after my shift. I'll need his car seat, nappies, milk and food jars.' I said.

'Thank you so much, would you be able to bring him to work tomorrow morning for me please.' He said.

'Of course. Are there any cases I should take a look at?' I asked looking at the patients.

'Mr Smith bay 2, I have no idea what's wrong with him because he told me that his name was John Smith and fell asleep. I've tried waking him but nothing seems to work.' Said Joseph pointing to a middle aged man.

'Let's see if I can crack him.' I said walking towards the patient.

'Mr Smith, wake up' I shouted. His eyes opened slowly.

'What.' He said.

'Mr Smith, I believe that you are not being entirely truthful to my colleague about your identity.' He just stared at me, not saying a word. 'Well, as you're not going to tell us anything we're going to have to do an exploratory procedure.'

'But, you can't.' He said worriedly.

'We can, you're not telling us anything so for all we know you could have lung cancer, heart failure or a number of horrible conditions. However we wouldn't to do it if you were straight with us, all we know is that you're having chest pain and you're lying to us. We don't care if you're a criminal, all we want to do is help you and if you carry on hiding the truth, you will be carted out to allow a more deserving patient to get the treatment they need.' I said.

'My names none of your business, you knocked up bitch.' He shouted. I wasn't going to get into an argument so I just walked away.

Joseph was sat at the nurse's station reading patient notes. Joe, I need you to perform an exploratory procedure on Pinocchio over there. I would advise you not to try talking to him as he'd not a nice man.' I said, I could see Mary-Claire on the other side of the busy ward, yawning. I went back to the unhelpful patient.

'We're taking you to theatre now.' I said.

'Fine, my name's Lewis Evans, I have Klein Levin's syndrome. It means that I sleep for up to two weeks at a time. I woke up from an episode and I had severe chest pain.' He explained.

'I know what your condition is, you do realise that you've wasted valuable time. I'm going to get a neurosurgeon down here and have my colleague send you for a CT scan. In the meantime I'm going to put you in a side room so that you can sleep without any disturbance.' I said summoning Mary-Claire.

'Thank you.' He said, falling back to sleep…


	22. Chapter 22

Hours later he found out that he had stage four lung cancer and that his outlook wasn't good. There was no safe way of removing the tumour and there was no treatment available to shrink it. After we told him the devastating news he fell back to his peaceful slumber. He knew that he was going to die but whilst he was in the world of dreams, he wouldn't have to die in pain. Very few people deserve treatment as much as him; he spends so much of his life asleep that to lose it so young is just cruel. For once I see somebody who's entitled to cry, to pity themselves, someone who has earned my sympathy.

On my way out of the hospital, I found him smoking his final cigarette before he was taken to the hospice. I smiled at him but couldn't find the words to express how sorry I was, so I said nothing. As I walked away from the man whose life had been nothing more than suffering, I did my best not to let tears fall from my glazed eyes.

I went into the Crèche, children playing everywhere. I could see little Daniel playing with some building blocks, he had no idea of the ordeal his father was going through. He spotted me and grinned. He ran over to me and showed me his colourful blocks. I picked him up and gave him a huge cuddle.

'Hello, have you had a good day?' I said his cute little face melting my ice cold heart.

'Yes, I played with my friends. When am I going home?' He asked.

'Well, tonight and tomorrow you and Harry are staying with me and then you'll go home.' I said looking around for Harry.

A tall blonde woman walked over to me smiling. 'Hi, you must be Miss Naylor; Harry's asleep in the other room. Chrissie asked me to lend you a double buggy.' She said pointing to a large grey buggy. 'I'll go get Harry for you okay.'

'Thanks.' I said lifting up Harry and putting him in the front of the pushchair. The woman brought in Harry who was asleep in her arms, his face changed so much since I'd last seen him that I didn't recognise him. The last time I'd seen him was just after Christmas 2010/2011. She handed the small little boy to me and I cradled him in my arms.

'You're going to have one of them soon.' Said the woman. 'What are you having, girl or a boy?'

'I'm having a little girl; she'll be in here not long from now. I'm going to work not too long after I have her so I'll need to leave her in here or let her dad take care of her.' I explained.

'I can't wait to see her. I'll let you three go, but I'll see you tomorrow okay.' She said waving.

With Daniel in the pushchair and Harry in my arms, we headed off to the car. Both car seats were already in the back so it was easy for us to go straight home. In the car Daniel told me about his day and about the other children there.

What if Daniel lost his dad, he wouldn't even remember him. I only have horrible memories of my dad and that was him hitting me. Every time my mum would go out, he'd turn on me and get aggressive. Up until the age of six I was subject to abuse, then my mum left and things didn't get any better in the care homes.

I was constantly the new girl, never having time to settle in. I was fostered out about five times. The first was a secret drug addict who would find it the height of hilarity to give me ecstasy tablets instead of vitamins, now you know why I'm so conscious about my body.

The second lot were total nutters, strangling you with their love and kindness, well they lasted less than a month. The total pushovers let me get away with murder. That was until I began hanging out with the rough lot, always getting arrested for stuff. I dyed my hair brown and started to go out with an older lad called Jay. He was dangerous, but that intrigued me. Together we set light to a climbing frame in the park. When I got back to the care home, things weren't much better.

The third pair weren't as lax on punishment as the last. Still being mixed up with the wrong crowd, my crimes began to get worse. I was smoking, spending most of my time on the streets and causing trouble. It escalated until my foster parents snapped. They chucked me in my bedroom during the summer holidays and I was in there for about a month before the social got to me. They blacked out my windows and a lock on my seldom used door. I ate very little and only left the room to use the toilet.

Whilst in the care home, Jay and I began to get more serious. One night he stayed over, but we were caught in my bed together. It wasn't like we were doing anything, but the social wouldn't let it go and we weren't able to see each other anymore, but still my disruptive behaviour continued.

By the time I was fostered out again, I was close friends with a girl a bit older than me called Sam. She'd got me into taking weed and even she took cocaine. When I was fostered out I saw very little of her until a party, her final party. She ended overdosing on Cocaine and killed herself. I began to drink, which made me aggressive. I hit my foster mother and was sent back. That's when I decided to get myself cleaned up. After seeing her die, I realised that I wanted to save her, save other people.

My final foster family were what seemed to be the nicest. They didn't drink or smoke, they weren't abusive or pushovers. But little did I know that on my second we week of staying there that whilst I was eating my meal, I would feel a hand move up my leg. I just ignored it and hoped that he'd mistaken it for his wife's leg. But I was proven wrong when he crept into my bedroom that night, covering my mouth with his sweating hands before raping me. But that was only the first time, I would get him looking at me whilst I changed and have him touching me. Things couldn't have been much worse, but I couldn't tell my social worker. Causing a fuss would make my life even more hellish than it already was. But when I drunk so much at a party and ended up having my stomach pumped, they removed me from the care home. Soon after, I told the care worker about what had happened and he was sent to prison. From then on, I was never put up for fostering and stayed there until I went to University.

At home, I put Harry in a walker and let Daniel play with his toys. I made some pasta for Daniel and heated up a jar of baby food for little Harry. Daniel sat at the table and happily ate his simple meal, whereas Harry was sat on my lap and every time I tried to spoon the bad smelling slop into his mouth, he would push it away and cover my clean table in it. After a long, difficult dinner time, I changed Harry's dirty nappy. I heated up a bottle for Harry and he fell fast asleep in my arms. About an hour later, I took Harry to the spare room and read him a story, he begged for another one and I gave in. When he was asleep, I went back downstairs to make myself some dinner before going to be myself.

I got woken up by Harry crying, he was stood in the cot screaming. I hauled myself out of bed and went over to the upset child. I took him in my arms and brought him back to my own bed, he lay there with me, quite content. I put a pillow on the other side to stop him from falling off and went back to sleep.

The next morning he awoke quite early, he sat up in my bed and smiled at me. I lifted him out of bed and let him walk around my tidy bedroom. I got up and wrapped an oversized dressing gown around myself, my bump sticking out. I opened my bedroom door and let Harry follow behind me. We went into Daniel's bedroom to wake him up.

He was still fast asleep. He must have been exhausted after yesterday. I sat down on the edge of the bed and placed my hand on his small arm. 'Daniel, wake up sweetie.' I whispered. When he didn't respond, I shook him gently. 'Daniel, wakey wakey.' I sung a little louder. He rolled over and opened his dainty eyes. His delicate face looking up at me.

'Morning, aunty Jac.' He said clambering out of bed. 'Can I have some breakfast, please?'

'Of course, let's get you two ready first though.' I said.

'Jac, Harry smells.' Said Daniel wrinkling his nose.

'I think someone needs a nappy change.' I replied, lifting up the giggling child. As soon as they were ready, I took them downstairs and made them both some Weetabix. We sat together at the large table and ate happily, Daniel chatting away and Harry gurgling. They gave me a few short minutes to get myself ready quickly whilst they toddled around my bedroom.

On our way to the hospital, we were about to reach a tunnel when I heard an ear piercing scream. I stopped the car immediately and tried to see what had happened. There was smoke drifting towards us; the sound of the shouts around us began to get louder and louder. A young woman with a young baby in her arms ran to the car window, her panic stricken face begging for me to help her.

'Help me!' She screamed. 'It's my baby, she inhaled a lot of smoke and she's not breathing. Please, call an ambulance.'

'Okay, I'm a doctor.' I said climbing out of the car. I took the young child into my arms and checked for a pulse. I found it but it was decreasing rapidly. 'Okay, I need to get her to hospital now. Drive my car to Holby city hospital and I'll get him breathing. Just tell me your names.'

'I'm Davina McKenzie and this is my son Andrew. He had a whole in his heart and they repaired it, he's going to be alright isn't he.' She said worriedly.

'Davina, he's going to be fine as long as we get him to hospital.' I said handing the keys. 'As soon as we arrive, park the car and ask someone to take you to Darwin. Tell them that Jac Naylor has sent you okay.'

'Yes, but what about what about your children.' She said looking at Daniel and Harry who were both asleep in the back of the car. We set off towards the hospital, most likely going way over the speed limit.

I began to perform CPR, as soon as I gave him the so called 'kiss of life' he began to breathe. Despite being unconscious, the fact that he'd come back quickly allowed me to believe that he was fighter. His delicate face was covered in ash and his chubby arms and legs covered in cuts and bruises. Realising that I needed to have a team ready, I grabbed my phone from my bag and dialled the number of Darwin.

'Hello Darwin.' Replied a familiar voice, it was Mary-Claire.

'Mary-Claire its Jac, I need a CTU team on standby for when I arrive. I've got a young baby with smoke inhalation and severe burns, so page Sean Dolan; he's back from America now right. I also need you to get Joseph Byrne for me; Harry Byrne and Daniel Levy are in the back of my car so I need someone to take care of them. And tell Tara to be ready to cope with stitching up a wound to the head, the mother's injured herself.' I explained.

'I'll get that ready, but I thought that you should know that Sacha's deteriorated.' She said I could hear the emotion behind her professional voice.

'Thanks for informing me. Bye.' I said hanging up. I held the young child tightly in my arms as we approached a roundabout. As we came nearer and nearer to the hospital, I clung to him tighter and tighter. We pulled in and I jumped out of the car, I passed Joseph on my way and pointed to my car. I could see him in the corner of my eye opening the door and taking his child in his arms.

Inside, I couldn't see any sign of my team. Andrew began to cough violently before laying still. 'Help me!' I screamed, but no one seemed to notice. 'Please, help.'

The lift open and a team of doctors came rushing towards me. I placed the young child on the trolley and placed an oxygen mask over his tiny face, attached a BP monitor to his finger and began to start compressions. When there was no change I climbed onto the trolley and tried my best to get his heart beating again. I was pushed into the lift when I saw his mother rushing towards me. She ran into the lift and watched helplessly as I tried to save her son's life. As soon as we got to Darwin, we took him straight to theatre. Tara took over compressions whilst I scrubbed up.

Just as I began washing my hands the doors flew open and there was Sean. He walked over to the sink and scrubbed up too. 'Long time no see Miss Naylor.' He said smiling. 'So, what's the latest? I see that you've just taken an engagement ring and a rather wonderful one at that.'

'I'm engaged to Oliver Valentine. Shortly after you went on your yearlong research project, Oliver and I got together.' I explained, I enjoyed being with Sean, despite the fact that he was unbearably annoying. 'So, how was America?'

'Great, I too am engaged to a lovely lady called Nina. We met in the states and she agreed to move back here with me. You'll probably meet her in the next few days as she's the new ward sister on Darwin.' He told me as the scrub nurse tied up the back of my dress like overall.

'Congratulations.' I said, as I turned to face him properly, his eyes widened. He was staring at my greatly enlarged stomach.

'You're pregnant?' He asked surprised.

'Yeah, I'm six months now.' I said as we walked into the theatre.

I made a tiny incision along his chest and opened him up. His lungs were small but severely damaged, yet his weak little heart had sustained such an injury. I began to work my magic on his lungs, Sean watching my every move intently.

'Brings back memories of Freya doesn't it.' He said carefully as not to upset me.

'Yeah, it does but it's different this time. I'm different. There's nothing to make me get attached, or make unprofessional decisions.' I said, my emotions getting to me.

'What do you mean?' He asked, clearly he hadn't been told.

'A lot of time has gone by and in the months that you were away, I grew to understand life for what it really is. I learnt that no matter how hard you try, there's no stopping fate. Four months ago, my beautiful daughter was brutally murdered by the since deceased Chantelle Layne. I hadn't seen her since the day after she was born; I was fifteen and had already messed up both of our lives. She died in my arms, only after an hour of us being reunited.' I said beginning to cry.

'About twenty minutes later, I was the lying on this table, having just tried to kill myself. In theatre, Hanssen and Michael discovered that I was pregnant. I recovered and Oliver and I got engaged. Two weeks ago Oliver was hit by a car and is now in ITU. He's there because of me and my selfishness. I lost CTU and am close to losing my job. I nearly got shot a few days ago; I'm currently taking care of two children, one of them my ex's. My best friend has been stabbed and is in ITU with Oliver. I've had the year from hell and yeah, I've finally realised who the fucking hell I am and that I can't do this anymore.' I screamed. I dropped the scrapple on the ground and fled from the astonished theatre.

I ran down the corridor and up many flights of stairs. I grew closer and closer to my happy place. The place in which I could be free. The only other place besides Oliver's arms, which I feel safe in. As I flung upon the doors open to the roof, a waft of fresh air greeted my exhausted lungs. Every breath I took slowed down the rate of my rapidly beating heart. I looked down on the world, it seemed as if others had lost their power over me and I'd finally regained my strength…


	23. Chapter 23

I'm really sorry that I haven't uploaded in so long! The next chapter won't be as long apart! BTW this isn't the last chapter so don't worry! Sophie x

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><p>Every breath I took filled my lungs with the icy air. I knew that it wouldn't be wise for me to proceed with operating, so I made my way back to Darwin. I didn't have the slightest clue of how Elliott and Hanssen would react when they discovered that I wasn't coping, but I refused to let that bother me. I had more pressing things to consume my time.<p>

I needed time, time to breath, time to clear my head. So I took my break early and left. As soon as I walked through the hospital doors, out into the open, I knew exactly where I was going. It was somewhere I needed to go on my own nobody understood the pain in which it brought me. Even though the comfort of someone who shared my tangled emotions would have been a great help, I knew that nobody else's souls were as messed up as mine.

I got into my car, still dressed in my blue scrubs and my stethoscope still around my neck. I'd left my bag and coat in the office as I didn't have the strength to get changed. The heaters didn't heat up and goose bumps began to appear on my pale skin. As I drove, I shook like a leaf. A helpless, little leaf.

I stopped off at a nearby shop, wiping away my smudged mascara before leaving the safety of my car. There was a large display of flowers, most of them pink and green, all of them cheerful and definitely not suitable. I rummaged through them until I came across a large bouquet of red and white roses. I grabbed them and went to pay.

An elderly woman stood at the counter, she looked at me oddly as I approached the counter.

'You alright darlin'?' she said kindly.

'Yes, thank you.' I replied, but the piteous look upon her wrinkled face didn't fade. Instead it became more concerned.

'Flowers for someone special?' She asked, trying to make conversation. I didn't want to tell her, but seeing as she seemed nice enough I decided not to be rude. I reckon it must be pretty boring working in a newsagents, no excitement or real responsibility.

'I'm visiting my daughter's grave.' I replied, my eyes beginning to sting.

'I'm so sorry love. Was she young?' She asked politely.

'She was fifteen. A long life ahead of her and she was shot. Shot dead in the one place where people are saved, not killed.' I said, my emotions getting the better of me.

'I read about what happened in the paper. It's such a tragedy.' She said, her soft eyes were comforting.

'Thank you.'

'That will be 3.50 then darlin'.' She said kindly. I suddenly realised that I didn't have my bag on me.

'I'm sorry I don't seem to have my bag.' I said putting the beautiful flowers back.

'Don't worry love, take them.' She said, surprising, with her kindness.

'That's very kind of you but I can't.' I replied.

'No, take them as a gift. Please.' She said grabbing the flowers from the stand and handing them to me.

'Thank you.' I said. She patted me on the shoulder and I left.

As I left the shop my stethoscope slid from around my neck and fell to the floor. I didn't have the strength to pick it up so I left it in the dirt. I climbed back into my car and smiled down at the bunch of flowers. The simple kindness of that woman had astonished me greatly and I thought as if it was god's way of showing me that there is still some good in this horrible world.

I switched on the radio, hoping to find a small amount of comfort in music. I flicked through the endless channels until I came to heart. On came the one song which made my heart drop. People help the people by Birdy. The song played at my daughter's funeral, the song she loved, the song that I'll never forget.

'God knows what is hiding in this world of little consequence.' I sang, each word breaking me a little more. I'd forgotten that I had a nice singing voice, I never let anyone here me not even myself. But I wasn't singing to just anyone, I was singing to my two beautiful daughters.' Behind the tears, inside the lies a thousand slowly dying sunsets God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts I guess the loneliness came knocking No one needs to be alone, oh save me People help the people And if you're homesick, give me your hand and I'll hold it People help the people Nothing will drag you down Oh and if I had the brain, Oh and if I had the brain I'd be cold as a stone and rich as the fool That turned, all those good hearts away.'

By the end of the verse I was barely able to see through my tear filled eyes so I pulled over to the side of the quite road. I sat and listened to the meaningful song, crying as I did. When it finished I couldn't help but smile. Smile at the simplicity of my feelings. I feel sad because of people leaving me nothing more nothing less, I just feel sad.

As I approached the large open space, I forced myself not to stop and turn around. I climbed out of the car, my large bump weighing me down. I walked past many places where others seek comfort, my heart fluttering inside my ribcage. I walked the path that I'd walked many times before. Each and every step bringing me closer.

I found her marble gravestone amongst many others, hers already had a bunch of flowers on it. I knelt down to pick them up and realised that there was a note attached. It read:

_To a truly wonderful friend_

_I don't how to tell you how much I miss _

_You because there's no way in which I can express_

_My great pain. Since your tragic death, there has not been a single_

_Day that has passed that I haven't thought of you. Where I_

_Haven't missed the friend I found in you. The parent,_

_The responsible adult. The sister I had, have._

_I love you dearly and will never_

_Forget any of the fun_

_Times we shared._

_All my love_

_Amy x_

Her beautiful letter made me cry even more. I lent down and placed my flowers next to hers. I sat there on the cold ground, shivering as of my lack of clothing. I traced my finger over the carefully picked out words engraved on the marble. They read:

_RIP_

_Jessica Elizabeth Naylor_

_Daughter of Jacqueline Naylor and friend to all_

_1__st__ September 1996 – 14__th__ February 2012_

_Aged 15 - Taken so young_

_She will be missed_

Sean hurried out of theatre to find Jac, she seemed so vulnerable and he wanted to protect her. He knew that Oliver was too ill to care for her emotional needs so he took it upon himself to help. He ran straight into the office but saw that her desk was unoccupied. He decided to go ask Elliott, surely he would know where she was.

'Elliott, do you know where Jac is?' He asked masking his fears.

'No, but her bag and coat are still hung in the office.' He replied. 'Is everything alright?'

'She ran from theatre, she was extremely upset.' He explained as they walked back to the office. They realised that her car keys weren't on her desk as they were earlier.

'Right, call Mr Byrne and Mr Spence now, I'll go straight to hers and Oliver's apartment and check to see if she's there. If she's not, I'll come back here and I want the three of you to search for her. Drive to the town centre and search for her there okay.' Said Elliott, rushing off before Sean had a chance to reply.

He ran down to AAU to find the two doctors. 'Michael, Joseph, its Jac, we need to find her.' He said breathlessly. He explained exactly what had happened and they ran a fast as they could, awaiting Elliott's call.

'You don't think she'd do anything stupid do you?' Asked Michael breaking the uneasy silence.

'I don't think she'd do that again but she's a serious danger to herself when she's like this.' Replied Joseph. 'She used to get angry and self-destructive, taking everybody down with her. Nothing could get in her way, who's to say she wouldn't destroy her future with her baby to get back some control over her life.'

After Joseph spoke nobody said a word. A few minutes later Sean received a text saying:

_She's not at home, find her quickly, she's been missing for about three hours so hurry._

Michael quickly started the ignition and they headed to town. They parked beside a long stretch of shops, most of them dull and not places which Jac would think of going into. They walked along the path when they saw Jac's stethoscope lying in the mud. They grabbed hold of it and ran into the nearest shop.

'Excuse me.' Said Joseph politely to the elderly lady at the counter.

'Let me handle this.' Said Michael pushing Joseph out of the way. 'Look lady, have you seen a middle aged, ginger woman. She's about 5ft8, quite grumpy, wearing blue scrubs. She had this black stethoscope round her neck.'

'Ya' mean the pregnant one?' Said the elderly lady.

'Yeah her, do you know where she was going?' Asked Sean.

'She came in here looking very upset; she wanted to buy some flowers. I asked her who they were for and she told me that they were for her daughter, but she didn't have her purse so I give them to her as a gift.' She explained.

'Did she say where she was going?' Asked Joseph.

'To the cemetery to visit her daughter's grave I suppose. She looks way too young to have a daughter of 15, she must have been a teenager when she had her.' Babbled the lady. 'Is the lady alright? She seemed very nice to me, in the newspapers she was made out to be some child dumping bitch.'

Without replying the three of them ran from the shop and into the car once more. They drove straight to the cemetery every second counting. As they arrived they sprang from the car. Running as fast as they could. They saw Jac in the distance slumped on the floor, her hand laying protectively over her bump.

'She has a pulse but it's weak!' Said Joseph as he brushed the auburn hair out of Jac's pale face. 'Michael grab my brief case, inside it there's an ambu bag in there.'

Michael got it from the case a hurriedly passed it to a worried Joseph.

'Sean can you carry her to the car quickly, we need to get her to Holby as quickly as possible!' Said Michael as he rushed towards the car.

Sean scooped Jac into his muscly arms and carried her to the car where Michael had already laid the backseats flat. He laid Jac and climbed in besides her. Michael also got in and carried on squeezing the bag, his usually steady hands quivering.

'Aren't you driving?' Joseph asked Michael.

'No, you drive, I've always been the one to take care of Jac whilst she's been in hospital and I'm not about to let her down now.' Said Michael.

'But I'm not insured.' Stated Joseph.

'Joseph, I don't mean to sound rude but GET IN THE FUCKING CAR!' Said Michael, who was clearly getting pissed off by Joseph's severe OCD.

Joseph got into the front and began his fast but careful drive to the safety of the hospital. On the way Sean pulled out his phone and called Elliott.

'Elliott, it's Sean.'

'Have you found Jac? Is she alright? She didn't do anything stupid did she?' Said Elliott bombarding Sean with question.

'I'll phone you when we reach the hospital but let's just say it's not looking good, she could have overdosed again.' Said Sean hanging up the phone.

Jospeh began to get a sense of Déjà vu as he thought back to when he had to get Gina into hospital in the same way, at least this time it wouldn't be a secret. He had wished and wished for may years that when Jac did have a baby, that it would be there's. there's to love as much as they loved each other. But he'd destroyed any chance of being with her.

Michael also began to think back to the past. He'd seen Jac in hospital so many times; her bike crash, the lock down in theatre, the kidney transplant, her overdose and he even did her x-ray when she sprained her ankle. He had been the one to help her with her mother, to carry her to the hospital, to sit with her after her mother had dumped her. He had been the one to hold her after Joseph had left, to discover that she was pregnant. When they first met he found her obnoxious and rude but as time went on he realised that all those things others hated, he found endearing. Years went by and he said nothing and now he was made to suffer the consequences by watching her a baby with someone else.

Even Sean thought about his time with Jac. The petty arguments over Freya, watching Jac become closer and closer to her, he helped her when she made the wrong decision and stopped her from lying from social services. When Freya was about to leave, Jac sat on his lap as he was dressed Santa, holding a beautiful baby girl. A baby who he wished one day would be theirs. That night they slept together and they destroyed any chance of being together so to his dismay, they decided to be friends.

As they approached the busy hospital Michael breathed a sigh of relief. Joseph pulled up outside the main entrance and climbed out of the car quickly. 'I need some help here now!' He shouted to Luc and Eddi who were stood nearby. 'It's Jac Naylor, she needs an emergency C-Section because of possible pneumonia, we could also be dealing with a drug overdose so there's a risk of miscarriage and obvious complications for Jac.'

'Right, I'll get a trolley.' Asked Eddi as she peered into the back of the car and realised how severe Jac's condition really was and rushed off to find a porter. She rushed back towards the car pushing a trolley, her hands trembling. 'Let's get her to AAU, it's pretty quiet so theatre should be free.'

'It's free, Nurse Mckee could you page obstetrics please.' Said Luc as he opened the boot to Michael, Sean and Jac. 'Can you two get her onto the trolley and to AAU, I'm to go scrub up.'

'Sure.' Said Sean climbing out of the car. Sean carried Jac out of the car whilst Michael squeezed the ambu bag. As soon as Jac was placed onto the trolley, Michael and Joseph began to push her to AAU.

Then she opened her eyes widely. Then they shut again.

Sean checked for a pulse and realised that there wasn't one. He climbed onto the bed and began compressions, hoping to god that she would live to see her daughter. To become Jac Naylor, cardiothoracic extraordinaire once again, but this time without frostbite. By the time they reached theatre Jac had been without a pulse for about five minutes and it wasn't likely that they would be able to save her.

Another five minutes went by and Luc, Michael and the Obstetrician, Dr Adams were opening her up. Then Oliver walked into the theatre, he was dressed in blue scrubs and his eyes were glistening. He walked over to his beautiful fiancé who was laid unconscious on the table and kissed her forehead gently before looking over to see how far they'd got into the procedure.

'I can see the baby.' Said Dr Adams. 'Here she is.' He said as he pulled out a small, blood covered baby. She didn't scream or cry. She didn't struggle or move. She didn't breath.

'What's going on, is she alright.' Said Oliver worriedly.

'We just need to get her lungs started.' Said Dr Adams as he took the baby away. He placed her tiny body into an incubator and took her away. 'She needs to go to ITU.'

'Is it alright if I come.' Asked Oliver.

'No, Oliver, go back to HolbyCare, you shouldn't be out of bed this long. I'll give you updates on both Jac and Mini Naylor as soon as I can but you need to rest.' Said Michael.

'But.'

'No buts Oliver now go with nurse Carter and get some rest.'

Oliver left and Michael and Luc carried on with the surgery. About two minutes after Oliver had gone, the machines began to beep like crazy.

'Her BP's dropping!' Said Luc. 'We've got a bleed, did you knick something?'

'I don't know but there's blood everywhere. God she's bleeding out.' Said Michael as he tried to stop the bleed. 'She in VF.'

'Get the paddles.' Shouted Luc. Then Michael began to think about the poor baby lying in ITU and what would happen to her if her mother died.

'CLEAR!' Shouted Michael. 'And again CLEAR!'

'Nothing. Michael one last time.' Said Luc.

'CLEAR!' Shouted Michael.

'Time of death…'

'No, CLEAR!' He shouted again.

'I'm calling it, time of death 4:25. I'm so sorry Michael…' Said Luc

She was dead…

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><p>It wall make sense in the next chapter! Please Please review ;)<p> 


	24. Chapter 24

**Thanks for all of the reviews, i'm going to carry on with my Jac/Johnny story so it may be a few weeks before i upload more but i'm not dumping this story! BTW i hope that the first bit makes sence...**

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><p>'Michael, stop daydreaming and charge the paddles!' Shouted Luc.<p>

'Oh, right, CLEAR!' Shouted Michael, he had imagined Jac's death and that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

'She's back, we need to find the source of the bleed and deal with it quickly.' Said Luc.

* * *

><p>They managed to stop the bleed and took Jac to ITU. Hopefully she would regain consciousness soon. Michael was called away so Joseph and Sean were the first people Jac saw when she awoke. They removed the tube which was down her throat and Joseph supported her body whilst she choked.<p>

'My baby, my baby!' We the first words she screamed. 'Where is she?'

'Jac, calm down, we need to concentrate on you for now okay.' Said Joseph who held her tightly as she sobbed.

'Jac, we delivered your daughter, she was 3 pound 8 and is on ITU. She's very small but she's stable for now. She was extremely early so she's not going to get better quickly.' Said Sean.

Then both their pagers beeped and they rushed off, apologising to Jac as they ran through the door. Jac sobbed and she imagined her tiny child in an incubator, fragile and scared. She needed her mummy and her mummy was exactly what she was going to get. Jac removed the tubes which ran into her nose, got hold of the metal pole which held her drugs and pulled herself from her bed. She knew that it wasn't a good idea to do this but it was the only way she would be able to see her daughter.

She walked steadily through the door of ITU, down the corridor to NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). She stood at the door and pushed in the code. When she entered she saw five babies in incubators, she walked to the first one picked up the notes which said female ingant of Chloe Davidson. She looked at the next child and straight away realised that it was a boy. The next child was much smaller than the others, it was pink and thin. She picked up the notes and read female ingant of Jacqueline Naylor. It was her baby, her beautiful little girl.

'Are you Miss Naylor.' Asked a woman, making Jac jump.

'Yes.' Said Jac in a voice which was far from her own.

'I came looking for you in ITU, I figured that you would be here. Would you like to discuss you daughter's condition.' Asked the nurse. 'By the way I'm Kate Lawson, I'm your daughter's consultant.'

'Is it alright if I get the father before we go into detail, I don't want to do this without him.' She said peering through the glass at her tiny daughter.

'Of course, I'll phone Holby Care.' She said walking towards the phone.

'How do you know where he is?' Asked Jac curiously.

'I was talking to Michael Spence earlier and he filled me in.' She said after talking to Mary Claire over the phone.

Two minutes later, Oliver rushed through the doors and scooped Jac into his arms.

'Mr Valentine, My name's Kate, I'm your daughters consultant. Is it alright if we discuss her condition.' The two of them nodded. 'Right, your daughter is currently stable but she's not out of the woods just yet. As you know she's about two and a half months early so not great but I've seen babies even younger pull through. She has severe infant respiratory distress syndrome, I'm guessing that the two of you know what that means, right?' She said as she read through the notes.

'Yeah, what's her treatment plan?' Asked Jac as she watched her tiny child.

'During the last hour or so her condition worsened so we inserted an endotracheal tube to help her breath better. It has made a serious improvement to her condition. She also has mild retinopathy of prematurity which we hope will clear up by itself, but if the condition worsens she could be left with seriously bad eyesight and could even become blind. We are doing all we can.' She said smiling.

'Thank you, when will we be able to hold her?' Asked Ollie, his arm around Jac.

'We're going to have to see how she does for now, we hope that she'll be able to come off the ventilator in the next few weeks so not soon I'm afraid. She's proven that she's a fighter so she's likely to pull through but I obviously can't say anything for certain.' She explained. 'I'll leave you guys alone for a bit, if you need me I'll be just outside, okay.'

'Thanks.' They replied together.

They walked over to their tiny child and peered in through the glass. The two of them watched the rising and falling of her dainty little chest and smiled; as long as she was breathing she was still able to fight. Jac carefully knelt down and put her hand up against the glass.

'Hello, I'm your m...m…' Jac struggled to say the words. She looked up at her loving fiancé, begging for help with her pained expression, Ollie nodded reassuringly. Jac let out a small smile before saying. 'I'm your mummy. I'm never going to let anything happen to you ever again. I love you so much and I'm so sorry. Please do something for me, just this one little thing.' Jac put her mouth to the clear glass. 'Forgive me.'

Oliver joined Jac and together they chatted to their tiny child. 'Now my love, you're going to have to be very strong and brave and so like your mummy. You're going to have to pull through.'

The two of them were sat there for hours, watching their tiny daughter whilst she breathed in and out. Each breath reassuring them that their beautiful princess was still fighting for life. The amount of tears that were shed in that time was enough to fill every drop of the ocean. Their time with their daughter was interrupted by Michael tiptoeing in to force both of the tired parents to go back to bed.

That night, Oliver and Jac slept in the same bed in Holby care, the two of them were curled up in one another's, Jac clinging to Ollie for dear life. The little life that was hanging on by a thread, filled their thoughts and throughout the long night they dreamt of what the future would hold.

Jac could only think the worst, she had never been at all optimistic but now she had really got to her low point. She felt as if the whole world was turning against her and that there was no way she got fight it off. She felt like she was being punished, who by, she didn't know but all the same she knew that she was getting what she deserved. The amount of bad things she's done in her life have caused her pain and misery. I mean how could she get away unscathed from the Lord Byrne debacle, besides having a bike crash, she never got her comeuppance.

Now that she's happy, she sees fit that she should her world turned upside down once more. She'd been through hell so many times that she's close to buying somewhere permanent out there. Hell has become a second home to her and to her, hell did feel like home. Feeling in a way that makes the sky permanently grey has been so common for poor Jac that she's struggled to be any other way. When she's happy she always destroys it, her past always getting in the way and when it is one of those seldom moments were she is genuinely happy makes her want to crush as she knows only too well is that happiness is the devil's trick and that the only way to be happy is to be sad.

The next morning Jac awoke to find Oliver find that Oliver had already left. She sat up and looked around for him but he'd gone. She climbed out of bed and detached the morphine drip from her cannula before grabbing her white dressing gown and slippers and going to look for him. She walked from Holby Care and met Michael who was grinning from ear to ear. He stopped in his tracks as soon as he saw the solemn look on Jac's worn face.

'How are you?' Asked Michael.

'I'm alright, she's still in NICU but she's stable.' Said Jac, doing her best not to look into his eyes.

'I thought that you'd want to know that Sacha's awake and being transferred to Holby Care but that will mean that Oliver will have to either sleeping in your room on a put up bed under observation or be transferred to Keller.'

'Okay, I'm off to see my little girl now.' Said Jac as she left.

'I look in on you later.'

Jac carried on walking down the corridor towards NICU, on her way she saw Chrissie who gave her condolences. Jac knew what Chrissie had been through and prayed that she wouldn't have to suffer the same pain as her colleague. When she reached NICU she looked through the window at Oliver, who was sat beside their little, his hand stroking her tiny face.

She walked to the door and put in the code to enter. As soon as the door opened, Oliver turned around to see who'd it was.

'She's doing well, she's moved her hands a few times.' Said Oliver as he touched her tiny hands.

'That's good, how long have you been here?' Asked Jac.

'A few hours, I woke up early so I decided to leave you and come here. I went to the chapel earlier, said a few prayers.' Said Oliver, his eyes glistening. 'The doctor was wondering whether we had a name for her yet.'

'I quite like the name Lily-Rose but I think it's a little girly. I also like Demi-Lee but the best names I've come across so far are Charlotte, Hope and Ellie-May, but I think that you should decide.' Said Jac as she brushed her hand across her daughters few strands of hair.

'I really like all of them but I like Demi-Lee, Hope and Ellie-May the most. I thought of the name Francesca or Amelia. This is such a difficult decision, I feel like calling her Little Miss Valentine and have done with it! Should we ask her god parents for help?' Asked Oliver.

'Yeah, if I could remember who we'd chosen.' Said Jac.

'Definitely Sacha, Michael, Connie and Chrissie. But did we want to have Joseph included in this?'

'Yeah and I was thinking that we could have Elliott as her Grandfather because he's as good as. He should be called Papa Elliot or Grandpa Elliott, whatever ever he wants to be.'

They kissed there nameless daughter goodbye and went to find their six friends.

They found Sacha in Holby Care, Chrissie was asleep on the floor. Oliver decided to stay outside whilst Jac went in to visit her friend.

'Sacha, what happened?' Asked Jac, concern running through each word.

'Come on, tell me about the baby.' Said Sacha, quickly changing the subject.

'She's doing okay, that's actually why I came down here. See, we need a name for her and we were wondering if you would be able to help us choice between the names Francesca, Amelia, Hope, Ellie-May and Lily-Rose.'

'Well, I like the name Francesca, I think that Francesca Hope Valentine would be a great name.' Said Sacha.

'I like it, Francesca Hope Penny Valentine.' Said Jac. ' Right, I should go, Oliver and I need to go see Elliott, Michael and Joseph before getting back to see the baby.' Said Jac. She gave Sacha kiss one the cheek before smiling at him and leaving.

Jac walked out to be met by Michael and Oliver sat on the sofa, it was obvious that Oliver had already told Michael about their name situation. She went over to them and joined them on the long leather sofa.

'Ahhh, Miss Naylor, Boy Valentine here was telling me about your little name dilemma. Well, I came up with Jamie Hope Penny Valentine.' Said Michael, his ego was enormous due to the fact that we'd come to him for advice.

'It's a little different, I like it though. So we have a draw between Jamie, Amelia and Francesca. I guess Papa Elliott shall have the casting vote then.' Said Jac.

'Okay then, I'll see the two of you later.' Said Michael standing up. Jac too stood up and wrapped her arms around his muscular body.

'Bye American.' Said Jac sarcastically.

'Bye bitch.' Retaliated Michael. Hearing his comment, Jac swung around to face him and began to hug him tightly, sobbing into his chest. 'Jac I was only joking, I didn't mean to upset you.'

'Jac, it's alright.' Said Oliver, resting his hand on her back.

'Sorry, no I mean it, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a bitch, for treating you like dirt, for not thanking you for all you've done. I'm sorry for not being there when you went through shit with Annalease and for not supporting you with plastics. I'm just sorry for so many things and I've realised how terrible the things that I've done actually are.' Cried Jac.

'Jac, it's fine, that's just who you are and we wouldn't have you any other way. Now Naylor, stop being soppy and go find your little princess a meaningful name.' Said Michael kindly.

'Thanks Michael.' Smiled Jac. She and Oliver left hand in hand.

They walked to Darwin without saying a word, they were so happy in each other's company that no words needed to be said. As they opened the doors to Darwin, they were hit by the loud noises that were common to their homely work place.

They could see Tara rushing over to Joseph who was trying to administer Morphine to a disruptive patient. Eddi and Luc had been called up to Darwin as AAU had been closed due to a technical error. Eddi was sat at the nurse's station reading through notes whilst Luc and Mary-Claire were stood by the theatre rota trying to find a slot for their next patient.

As Elliot wasn't on the ward they guessed that he'd gone to his office. They realised that they were right when they entered the office which had been turned into a pig's sty. Jac's desk was covered in food packets, wrappers, doughnut boxes, takeaway cartoons, you name it was there. Elliott was sat at his desk fast asleep. Jac began to walk over to him but was repelled by a rather overwhelming stench. Oliver looked down at the floor and saw what appeared to be a half-eaten, gone off pizza.

'Elliott, get up.' Shouted Oliver, making Elliott jump and topple off his chair. 'It looks like a bomb's gone off in here.'

'Ahh, yes. Umm, I'm sorry about that, I'll clean it up right away.' Said Elliot clambering to his feet.

'No no, don't worry about that now. Anyway, we came to ask your opinion about the name for your new granddaughter. We wanted Papa Elliott to have the casting vote.' Said Jac smiling.

'Oh, god, your daughter, how is she?' Said Elliott hurriedly.

'Stable for now. We've come to the conclusion of three names. Jamie Hope Penny Valentine, Amelia Hope Penny Valentine or Francesca Hope Penny Valentine.' Said Oliver holding Jac tightly in his arms.

'Well, I love all of them but to be honest my favourite would have to be… Amelia it was my mother's name.' He said, a large smile upon his face.

'Our little Amelia Hope Penny Valentine, our beautiful princess.' Said Oliver.

'Let's go see her and tell Kate that we've given her a name. Elliott, would you like to meet your Granddaughter?' Asked Jac.

'I'd love to, but shouldn't her real grandparents meet her first?' Asked Elliott, not wanting to intrude.

'You are her real grandparent, it doesn't matter to us that you're not a blood relative.' Said Oliver kindly.

'You've always been like a father figure to me and I'm so thankful for that.' Said Jac wrapping her arms around him.

'Well, you've always been like a daughter to me, you didn't get on with Martha so I suppose you were squabbling sisters. But I've always said that we're like a family on Darwin and now we really are. Joseph and Connie are godparents, you're getting married, and I'm a grandfather. We're drawing closer together because of you two and your beautiful daughter.' Said Elliott.

'Well, let's go see our little Amelia. My parents are going to get here later so they can meet her then.' Said Oliver.

They went up to NICU to find Kate standing with a young couple beside an incubator. Kate turned off the light

'NOOOO!' Screamed the young mother, tears tumbling down her panic stricken face.

'I'm so sorry.' Said Kate trying her best not to break.

Jac, Oliver and Elliott watched as the couple held the child, tears falling onto his tiny body. The mother kissed her son before handing him back to Kate who placed him back in the incubator. She and the poor couple left.

Jac began to cry whilst Oliver held her tightly. 'That won't be our baby, we can't lose her. not our little Amelia.' Said Jac as she sobbed.

'We won't' Said Oliver simply. 'We won't.'

They went to their little daughter and began to stroke her cheeks. Elliott kissed her tiny hand and smiled. She looked the same as she had done earlier, her ears were still crumpled and her eyes were still tightly closed. Elliott, Jac and Oliver sat with Amelia in silence for about half an hour before Kate returned. It was obvious that she had been crying as there were dark bags under her glistening eyes.

'Miss Naylor, Mr Valentine, I have some good news. Your daughters condition hasn't changed which can only be a good thing, but as it's not likely that she'll deteriorate, she will be able to stay with you in Holby Care. I hope to be taking her off life support in about two days and then we'll go from there.' Said Kate.

'Thank god, I thought that she would be stuck in here for the next ten years.' Said Jac. 'By the way this is Amelia's grandfather Elliott.'

'Amelia, is that what you're going to call her then.' Asked Kate.

'Yes, Amelia Hope Penny Valentine.' Said Oliver.

'What a lovely name.' Said Kate checking Amelia's chart. 'we can take her now if you'd like.'

'That would be great.' Said Oliver.

They walked with Kate to Holby Care, Elliott left as he had to get back to the ward. After Kate left, Jac and Oliver got back into bed and tried to get some rest. They weren't well enough to cope with so much at once. They knew that their daughter was alright as long as she was near.

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><p><strong>Please review! xx<strong>


	25. Chapter 25

Three months later, Jac was stood outside a bridal shop, baby Amelia in her arms and a sour expression on her face. She let out a deep sigh as Amelia began to open her eyes. As soon as the small child's wails began, Jac started to rock her gently hoping that she'd go back to sleep.

'Oh, Milly please stop crying, why won't you sleep.' She said in an unsoothing tone. Upon hearing Jac's voice, Milly immediately began to calm down. Despite having her mother's temper, Milly had her father's instinct and knew when it wasn't right to pester her Mum. Jac stroked her daughter's cheek and smiled as a tiny hand wrapped around her finger.

She began to think back to the week before when she finally heard from Connie. She was sat on the sofa with Oliver, Milly sound asleep in her arms. Her and Oliver were talking about the wedding when the phone rang.

'Hello.' Said Jac down the phone.

'Jac, its Connie.'

'Connie, where have you been, we've been so worried. You just left without a word. Even when I had my baby early and we were both in hospital, you never bothered.'

'Jac can I come over, we need to talk.' She said, it was as if she had just ignored what I'd just said.

'Fine.' I said reluctantly, putting down the phone.

The next ten minutes Ollie and I sat in silence, waiting for the doorbell to ring. When it finally did, I opened the door to find Connie standing there, her head wrapped up by a scarf and Grace holding her hand.

'Hello.' She said simply.

'Connie, come in.' I said hurriedly.

'Jac, could we talk away from the kids?' She asked looking down at Grace who was running over to Oliver.

'Sure. Ollie, I'm going to put Milly up to bed and Connie and I are going to have a chat.' I said. Connie and I walked to the stairs when I said. 'Connie, do you want a hold.'

Connie nodded eagerly so I placed my child into her arms, she carried her upstairs and put her carefully into her cot.

'Jac, I'm so sorry for not being there for you, but I've been too ill.'

'What happened?' I asked worriedly.

'I've got, had Cancer. Breast Cancer, stage three. I had Chemo for two months and it's completely shrunk the tumour. I wanted to talk to you but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't know that you'd had her. Nobody knows but Hanssen and Grace doesn't understand. Sam has come back from the states and is living with me currently. We're taking things slowly but I hope that it will work out.' She said.

'I'm so sorry.' I said emotionally.

'Don't be, I told Elliott yesterday, he's going to tell Michael, Joseph, Ric, Sacha and Chrissie. I can't cope with telling everyone myself. I'm coming back to work though, Hanssen can't exactly sack me as I'm just as much his boss as he is mine.' She explained.

'Connie, next week Chrissie and Sahira are meeting me for the dress fittings and I don't want to do it without my maid of honour.' I said smiling.

'Jac, Jac. Earth to Jac.' It was Sahira. 'Was it fun wherever you were?'

'It was, anyway you alright.' I said grinning.

'Yup, Connie and Chrissie are coming straight from the hospital. They're bringing Grace. Ollie, Michael, Sacha and Daniel are getting their suits fitted.' She said stroking Milly's face. 'Should we wait inside?'

Inside we met a young woman who was dressed smartly and measuring a long white dress. She stood up and said 'you must be Jac Naylor, pleased to meet you.'

'Yes, this is my bridesmaid Sahira Shah.' I replied.

'Ahh, I'm Elizabeth Fleck.' She replied kindly. 'Are we still waiting for anyone?'

'Yes, the other bridesmaid, a flower girl and maid of honour will be here shortly.' I said.

'Okay then, are we picking out both the brides, maid dresses and your wedding dress.' She said I nodded.

I heard Connie park up outside and then her Sahira and Grace joined us.

'Connie, how are you doing?' I asked hugging her.

'I'm good.' She replied as I hugged Sahira.

'So' Said Elizabeth. 'Shall we start by choosing the bridesmaids dresses, then we'll find the flower girl dresses. Is there a colour scheme?'

'Yes, as it's on Christmas day we're having the bridesmaids in burgundy and me in burgundy and ivory.' I replied.

'Wonderful. For the bridesmaids did you want full length dresses or cocktail.' She asked looking at the rails of dresses.

'Full length and sleeveless.' Said Chrissie.

'And we want a slightly different dress for the maid of honour.' I added.

She hurried off and came back with a beautiful burgundy dress. 'This is a strapless, full-length lux chiffon dress with a shirred bodice and matching flower detail at the bodice.' She said.

'Wow!' was my immediate reply.

'We have it in sizes 6 to 18.' She said kindly. 'Um, Chrissie what size are you?'

'10' She replied, Elizabeth rushed off and came back with another dress.

'How about you Sahira?' She asked.

'8'

She went and found the dress for Sahira quickly.

'And for Connie we have a one-shoulder, full-length chiffon dress with shirred bodice and flower detail at shoulder. It has a matching belt at natural waist.'

'Well, I'm a size ten as well.' Said Connie as the dress was handed to her.

'Right the three of you can go into the changing rooms whilst Miss Naylor and I find the flower girl dresses.' She said.

She brought out two dresses. One was completely burgundy and plain and the other was ivory at the top and burgundy at the bottom, covered in beautiful butterflies. Straight away I picked out the plain as it matched the other's and would complement mine nicely; you wouldn't think that me of all people would be bothered about something like that, but obviously I am.

I undressed Milly with the help of little Grace and put the beautiful dress on her. She looked very pretty but it was far too big and she wouldn't want to stay in it all evening. I knew that I'd have to find her something else to wear at the reception. Just as I was about to take grace into the changing rooms, the shop door opened and in walked a familiar face. It was Sam.

'Daddy!' Shouted Grace as she rushed over to her father.

'Sam, what are you doing here?' I asked scooping him into a hug whilst trying my best not to squish my little angle; god I sound like one of those mothers who think that their children really are saints.

'I wanted to see what you would be looking like on your wedding day and if I'm honest, wearing a blue knee length dress, isn't the best idea. '

'Very funny!' I replied.

'That and to give this to Connie.' He handed me a burgundy scarf.

'Right, well, it's a good thing that you're here. Could you get Grace changed and look after Milly whilst I try on my wedding dress?' I asked.

'Alright,' He said as I placed my daughter into his muscular arms.

Elizabeth and I walked off into the changing room. I decided to keep my eyes closed until my dress I was ready. I could hear the women outside, giggling with anticipation. The curtains were drawn and immediately the three of them stopped talking and gasped. I beamed at them before looking in the mirror.

'This is the strapless sweetheart organza, asymmetrical, draped A-Line, Burgundy top half and Ivory skirt.' She said in a posh tone.

'Jac, you look amazing.' Said Connie, kissing me on the cheek.

'You really do look stunning!' said Chrissie.

I turned around, my three beautiful brides maids stood before me. Their dresses looked wonderful and they each had a broad smile to match. I began to well up as I looked in the mirror. I saw Sam walk out of the changing room with Grace, Milly asleep in his arms. He passed her to me and I held her tightly and kissed her tiny head. I felt the tears pricking my eyes and just let them roll down my cheeks.

Sahira wiped away my tears and put her arm around me, trying to be comforting. If somebody had told me a year ago that Sahira was going to be my bridesmaid, I would have laughed in their face, she and Greg both returned to Holby a month ago and they're now in a relationship. I remember when we first met, I hated Sahira, but in the last few months we've become extremely close. During work she's helped out with Milly numerous times and has been constantly supportive of both Ollie and I.

I've even become friends with Tara. I have hated her since the day we met, but a week ago everything changed. Hanssen came into my office and gave me a lecture for upsetting Tara; I'd called her a Fetus in scrubs and she's cried like mad! But he told me why she was upset, she'd had a CT scan and it had shown that her brain tumour had grown slightly. As soon as he left, I called her into my office to give her a lecture about not telling me, but when she began to cry, I became a shoulder to cry.

Elizabeth decided to interrupt the 'moment' by announcing that we needed to pick out shoes. Once we'd chosen them we got changed, bought the clothing and left. Sam decided to go home and the five of us (Jac and Milly, Sahira, Connie, Chrissie and Grace, so sort of six) got in a cab and headed to town.

We went straight into the nearest restaurant and the waiter immediately sat us down. We were each handed a menu and quickly ordered our food.

'I want to tell you guys something.' Said Chrissie, we all looked at her expectantly. 'Sacha and I are engaged.'

'Congratulations.' I said grinning. 'I knew that you two were right for each other.'

'Well, it's thanks to you that we got together in the first place! I mean if it wasn't for you driving him to the airport on the back of your motorbike; which honestly scared him shitless, I would have gone to Australia alone.' She laughed.

'Anyway, congratulations!' I replied.

The waiter brought out a bottle of champagne, 4 glasses and a glass of orange juice for Grace.

'Right ladies, I want to make a toast!' Said Connie. 'To Jac and Oliver!'

'And to Sahira and Greg!' I added.

'And to Chrissie and Sacha!' Said Tara.

'And to Connie and Sam!' Said Chrissie.

'And to Milly's good health!' Said Grace sweetly.

'And to the tooth fairy collecting Grace's tooth!' I said smiling.

'So!' We said together. 'To Jac and Ollie, Sahira and Greg, Chrissie and Sacha, Connie and Sam, Milly's good health and Grace's tooth.'

'Now, let's talk Hen-night!' Said Connie excitedly. 'Right, my nanny can take Daniel, Indy, and Sahira, I'm about to fell really bad because I can't remember your other children's names!'

'My eldest son Tulsi and my daughter Anisha.' Said Sahira laughing.

'Okay, so my nanny will take Daniel, Indy, Tulsi, Anisha, Milly and Grace. By the way, I have three nannies so I'll ask all three of them! So, it will be us four and I've made some calls and Lola, Kyla, Donna, Tara, Frieda, Jess and guess what, Maria's back in the country for six months and is staying with Donna, they're all coming to the party!' Said Connie.

'So what's the latest goss on them?' Asked Chrissie.

'Well, Donna and Kieran are engaged and has a son called Luke. Lola came back from Ghana last year and has adopted a little girl from Ghana, Ellie whose three and is looking for a job. Kyla is now married to Abra, her son Max is playing for somewhere or other. Maria had a baby six months ago, a little girl called Maddy Alex Kendall, after Maddy and her real mum Alex Deacon. Frieda is working for some agency, helping foreigners. Jess is now single and is living her son Jake.' Said Connie.

'So… how do you know all this?' Asked Sahira, who didn't know who most of those people were.

'Well, I get all the Jess, Donna and Maria stuff from Ric, Elliott still stays in touch with Abra and I saw Lola for lunch about a month ago.' Explained Connie.

'Well, um I'm looking forward to my shower!' I said smiling.

'You should be… there's gonna be a stripper!' Laughed Chrissie.

'I said no strippers… yes, we can all get trolleyed and do some absolutely stupid things but no strippers.' I said.

'Mummy, what's a stripper?' Asked Grace sweetly.

'Umm, I'll tell you when you're older.' Connie said hurriedly.

'Oh, remember, Donna's kid Mia, Maria's little Maddy, Lola's Ellie, Jess's son Jake, not to mention the stag do, there's Joseph's son Harry, Michael's three daughters, Meena, Jasmine, Milly and his son Charlie!' I said. 'I know this sounds odd, but does anyone have some eye liner?'

'I do.' Said Sahira handing me some black eyeliner.

I took the napkin and began to make a list:

Amelia Valentine-3 months

Grace Beauchamp-5

Daniel Levy-Williams-3

Tulsi Shah-5

Indy Shah-1

Anisha Shah-3

Harry Byrne-1

Ellie Griffin-3

Jake Griffin-1

Mia Jackson-5

Maddy Kendall-6 months

Meena Spence-15

Jasmine Spence-13

Milly Spence-6

Charlie Spence-3

0-2: 5

2-4: 4

4-6: 4

6+: 2

'God, we have 15 kids to put somewhere for a day and a night.' I said. 'I'll sort it with Oliver later. So, what's the plan for the day?' I asked.

'Ahh, Connie and I have been busy planning and in the morning we're going straight to Champneys. We're getting a head massage each, which should take about 25 minutes then we're having a 45 minute relaxing facial. And Cal gel nail extensions which should take about an hour and a half. After that we're getting a half an hour makeover and then we're out shopping!'

'So how long is this going to take and how much will it cost?' I asked worriedly.

'Um, £175 and it will take about three and a half hours, I know it's a lot but it's worth it.' Said Chrissie.

'Well, seeing as I'm senior surgeon, I'm sure I can afford it. So after we hit the shops, then what.' I asked.

'Um, lunch, then we come home and we get ready. Then out to Albi's for the party!' Said Tara.

'So, whose coming to the party?'

'The lovely ladies who I told you of earlier and Serena, Eddi and Mary-Claire.' Said Connie.

'In a weeks-time we'll be sat in a spa, relaxing!' Said

Meanwhile, in Albi's, Oliver, Greg, Joseph and Michael were planning the stag-do…

'Come on Ollie, we've got to have a stripper!' Whined Michael.

'I said no, Jac and I agreed, no strippers.' Said Ollie.

'Fine!' Said Michael giving up.

'So, we're meeting at the go-karting track at 11, then we'll see where we go from there!' Said Greg.

'Exactly!' Said Michael, finishing his pint. 'I'm off then!'

'Me too!' Said Oliver as he got up to leave.

Outside the hospital, Jac was trying to open up the buggy. It had begun to pour with rain and she was getting soaked. Once she's opened up the buggy, she grabbed a fluffy pink blanket from the car and wrapped a sleeping Milly up in it, placing her in the pushchair. Jac grabbed her bags and walked as quickly as she could, inside.

When she got into reception, she saw Michael who was flirting with one of the nurses. As soon as he saw Jac, he rushed over.

'Ahh, my favourite ginger and my god daughter!' He said laughing.

'Shut up, and anyway, she's not your god daughter yet and if you carry on like this, she never will be.' Said Jac, kissing him on the cheek. 'Anyway, I need to work so, I'll see you soon.'

I got in the lift along with Serena and Ric who were arguing loudly.

'For god's sake Serena, this is not your ward, it's mine and you can't keep going behind my back, doing what you want.' Shouted Ric, waking Milly.

'For goodness sake you two, look what you've done!' I said picking Milly up from where she lay, kicking her legs around.

'I'm sorry Jac.' Said Ric. 'How is she.'

'She's a lot better and growing normally.' I replied as he cried into my shoulder loudly but by the time we reached Darwin, her screams had turned to gentle sobs.

'Look after yourself Jac, you're a mum now, don't make the same mistakes I did.' Said Ric as the doors closed.

I walked to my office, Milly asleep again, and placed her in the pushchair again. I got to work. I grabbed my phone and called Joseph.

'Hiya Joe, can I ask you a massive favour.' I asked.

'Depends.'

'Well, would you be able to send me the number of your nanny please?'

'Sure, it's 07636 459875.' He said as I wrote it down.

'Right, I really need to go.' I said hanging up.

I had the same conversation with the other 8 parents and began phoning them.

I called the first nanny and the conversation went like this.

'Hello, is this Molly Rickman?' I asked.

'Yes, who am I speaking to?'

'Hi, my name's Jac Naylor I'm a senior consultant at Holby City General, I believe you're the nanny to Joseph Byrne's son Harry.'

'Yes, why?'

'I am a close friend of Joseph's and I'm getting married next week and on my hen do and my fiancé's stag we need 15 children, whose ages range from 3 months to 15 years old, to be looked after. I am currently arranging to have the nannies of all the children come to my house and take care of the kids for the night. There's you and eight other nannies, so would you be able to take care of them for about 24 hours.'

'Umm, I don't see why not.' She said.

'I'll call in the next two days to confirm times and stuff, bye.' I said hanging up. I made the next 8 calls in exactly the same way and then began trying to arrange space for them to sleep. I had just finished placing all the children in beds; one nanny to a room, when Mary-Claire rushed in.

'Miss Naylor, I'm sorry to burst in but Sean Dolan just called, he needs your help, it's Freya Winters!' She said.

'What, what's happened?' I asked worriedly.

'Paramedics brought her in about ten minutes ago, they said that she was found by a neighbour outside the front door. The mothers gone and the police say that she wasn't inside and that all her clothes were gone. Freya has slight hyperthermia!'

'Mary-Claire, look after Milly for me please, she has milk in the bag if she wakes up and if there's any problems call Oliver.' I said kissing my daughter on the head before rushing to theatre. I was still wearing a dress, but I just scrubbed in quickly.

'Sean, what happened?' I asked.

'All we know is that she was left outside her front door in her push chair, before leaving, her mother left a note on the pram.' He said.

'Saying what?'

'Nurse Jones, could you bring the note over to Miss Naylor please?' he asked. The nurse brought over a piece of lined paper. On it said:

Dear Miss Naylor

You were right, Freya needs to be with someone who can look after her and put her first. I can't live up to the standards of being a mother, you can. I want you to take care of her, love her as if she was your own, which she is. I know that you're getting married and that you've got a beautiful baby girl. You now have two.

Please don't ever tell Freya the truth, I don't want her hurt. I have loved being Freya's mother, but I can't do it anymore. Don't try and find me, I'm in Paris and by the time you get this note, I will be falling from the Eifel Tower. I'll be with my husband, and Freya will be with someone who can be a real mother, not just the woman who gave birth to her.

I'm sure that from experience, you will know by now that you can't love isn't enough. I know that you love her; I could see it in your eyes as you gave her back to me. But not only do you love her, you can give her a proper life, one full of trust and honesty. If she was with me, she would grow up unwanted and that'd no way for a child to live.

Please love her and care for her and be the mother I never could. You're what she needs, not me.

Nicole Winters

PS Inside the house is a letter, stating that I have changed my will and that I leave Freya in your care in the event of me losing my life, which I evidently have done so.

'Oh my god.' I said, dropping the paper on the floor. 'Can I hold her?'

'Of course, she's your daughter.' Said Sean.

I lifted her from her cot and sat her on my hip. 'When can she be discharged?' I asked.

'Now, I suppose. You'll have to go straight to the police and they'll probably take her into care for the night and you might get her back tomorrow.' He said smiling.

'Thank you Sean. Do you know where Oliver and Elliott are?' I asked.

'They're both in the staff room.' He said, waving us goodbye.

I was greeted by Elliott shouting 'WOW SHE'S HUGE!'

'This isn't Milly, this is Freya.' I said.

'Why's she here love, where's Milly?' Asked Oliver taking Freya from my arms.

'She's in my office with Nurse Carter. Ollie read this.' I said handing him the note.

He read it quickly. 'Jac, let's do it!' he said suddenly.

'But we're about to get married.' I replied.

'And, I know how much you love her. We can cope with two children can't we?' He said.

'Yeah, we can.' I replied kissing him gently. 'We'll do this together.'


	26. Chapter 26

**Sorry that the last chapter was a late, been really busy with school and stuff! Because this is the last chapter, I'd be really grateful if you could all review because it means a lot! Thank you so much to everyone who has read this story and given me the amazing feedback! Thank you again :)**

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><p>The morning of the wedding was one that Jac and Oliver would never forget. Oliver had stayed at Greg's the night before and Sacha, Daniel and Joseph had stayed too. Oliver had hardly slept last night, he just kept pacing the room, unable to rest.<p>

Jac on the other hand, had slept right through. She was asleep upstairs, when she was awoken by a blinding light. She had to squint to adjust her eyes, but when they finally did, she found Connie stood beside her with a cup of coffee.

'Morning.' Said Connie brightly.

'What, why are you here?' Asked Jac as she rubbed her eyes.

'You're getting married today!' At that, Jac sat bolt upright.

'But, I need to get ready, where are the girls?' Said Jac as she clambered out of bed.

'Calm down, Sahira and Chrissie are giving the girls a bath. Go have a shower and come downstairs when you're ready.' Said Connie kindly.

'Okay.' Said Jac, taking a deep breath. 'Thank you.'

Meanwhile, at Greg's, Oliver was also panicking. Greg was trying to calm Oliver down, but he was having none of it.

'… what if she doesn't turn up, what if she gets cold feet and can't go through with it. What if she says 'I don't' instead of 'I do'? what do I do then, hey?' Said Oliver.

'Oliver, Jac loves you, you know that.' Said Sacha who was trying to get Daniel to eat some breakfast.

'I'm just being stupid, she won't have cold feet, she wouldn't do that.' Sighed Ollie.

Back at Jac's, the atmosphere was calmer; Jac had just got out of the shower and the hairdressers had just arrived. She sat down in the chair and tightened the tie of her dressing gown. She shut her eyes and let the hairdressers do their thing. They blow-dried and combed and curled and sprayed until they were completely satisfied. The hairdresser spun Jac round to see the mirror. Jac gasped as she saw the finished product, her hair had been put into a curly bun and on the top of her head was a collection of tiny burgundy and ivory roses.

Oliver was beginning to calm down by this time, he had managed to take a shower and had a shave and was about to do his teeth when the doorbell went. He rushed to the door and opened it to find Elliott stood there.

'Elliott, what are you doing here?' Asked Oliver surprised. 'Come in.'

'Thanks, I think we should talk.' Said Elliott.

'Why?'

'Well, as Jac has no family, it's up to me to protect her.' Explained Elliott.

'Right.' Said Oliver, waiting for the older man to continue.

'Jac is like a daughter to me, and I don't want to see her get hurt. I need to know that you'll look after her, she's been through so much in her life and I can't stand to see her get hurt again. I need you to promise me that you'll be there for her, that you won't cause her any more pain, that you'll do anything to make her happy.' Said Elliott seriously.

'I promise, she means everything to me.' Said Oliver reassuringly.

'Right, okay, now my fatherly speech is over, I need to go. Good luck.' Said Elliott rushing off.

Jac had just had her makeup done and was beginning to feel nervous, but before she was able to voice her worries, her bridesmaids entered.

Connie and Grace walked in first, Grace had a large smile on her face and was holding her mother's hand tightly. Grace had a burgundy bow in her hair which had been put into a neat bun. Connie on the other hand, had a burgundy scarf wrapped around her head and smiled brightly.

'Wow!' Said Jac. 'You two look beautiful, Grace you look so lovely and Connie you look absolutely wonderful.'

'Thank you, Jac your hair is great, I love it.' Said Connie as she bent down to look at her daughter.

Then Freya ran in and straight into her mother's arms. Freya was giggling quietly and trying to fiddle with the bow in her hair. Jac cuddled her tightly and kissed her forehead lovingly. Chrissie and Sahira entered with Milly. Hung in loose curls was their hair which sat softly on their shoulders. There well picked out dresses hugged their figures.

'Oh my god, you both look amazing, I'm speechless.' Said Jac.

'Thank you, I think it's about time you go into you dress.' Said Chrissie. 'Give Sahira the kids and Connie and I will help you get dressed.'

'Thanks.' Said Jac heading upstairs.

They made Jac keep her eyes tightly shut as they helped her into her dress. They'd added a few last minute touches and she now looked beautiful. Her hands shook s she felt them tightening the corset, the excitement shooting through her mind. Chrissie held onto Jac as Connie placed the burgundy shoes on Jac's petite foot.

'Open.' Said Connie excitedly. Jac opened her eyes to see herself in the mirror that stood before her, her eyes began to prick with tears. She was so happy, for once she was able to be happy.

'We have one more surprise.' Said Chrissie who held out a small box in her hand. 'Oliver asked me to give you this.'

Jac took the box and opened it slowly, inside was a beautiful silver necklace, it had a small heart with tiny writing on it. Jac held the necklace closer to her eye and read out: '_Jac and Oliver.' _She turned it over to find that it had a small message on it: _'I love you forever and always'_

That appeared to be too much for Jac and she began to cry. But the tears which streamed down her cheeks were of happiness not sadness. She felt Connie wrap her arms around Jac and pull her into a hug, but Jac didn't want to respond, she just wanted to saver the moment of happiness before it was gone again.

But seconds later, she dried her tears and pulled herself together. She took a deep breath and wrapped her friends up in the best hug she could manage. She smiled as she felt the love that her friends provided. Chrissie took the necklace from Jac's hands and put it round her neck. Jac held onto it before thanking her friends.

'We'll leave you for a moment.' Said Connie as she and Chrissie left the room.

Jac stood in front of the mirror and looked at the beautiful necklace which hung around her neck. She went over to her jewellery box and found the earrings which Oliver had bought her when they'd just started going out, she put them on and smiled into the mirror. She knew that this would be the last time that she'd be there an unmarried woman. She took one last slow, deep breath before going down stairs.

She stepped out onto the landing and walked carefully over to the staircase, clutching to banister when she got there. She padded gently down the first few steps and as soon as she began to get closer to the ground, she heard gasps from all around her. Stood at the bottom of the staircase were, Connie, Grace, Sahira, Chrissie, Milly, Freya and Elliott who all looked so happy.

'Jac, you look beautiful.' Said Elliott who was dressed very smartly.

'Thank you.' Said Jac whose smile was growing ever larger. 'Connie, have you got the ring?'

'Yes, it's here.' Said Connie holding out the red box.

'Jac, the cars here and so is Sam.' Said Chrissie. Sam was going to walk Freya and Milly down the aisle.

'Okay, I'm ready.' Said Jac. Elliott linked his arm with hers and they walked out of the house, a trail of bridesmaids behind them. Elliott and Jac climbed into one car whilst the rest got into another.

At the hall, Oliver was shaking with nerves. He was stood at the alter with his father, waiting for his bride. He looked down the aisle which was scattered with burgundy rose petals which matched his tie. Behind the doors, were Greg, Sacha and Joseph, waiting for the women to 'grace them with their presence.' Little did they know that two cars were pulling up outside, containing, 1 bride, 1 father of the bride, 1 maid of honour, 3 flower girls, 2 bridesmaid and a man who felt a little out of place as he was surrounded by women.

They all climbed out of the cars, carefully holding onto their dresses, each of them grinning like mad. Elliott helped Jac out of the car and walked her in through the doors.

'Are you sure about this?' Asked Elliott, putting his hands on Jac's upper arms.

'More sure than I've ever been.' Said Jac smiling.

'Well then, let's get you married.' Said Elliott wrapping his arms around her.

'Thank you, for everything.' Said Jac tearfully.

Sam rushed over holding Milly an clutching to Freya's hand. 'Connie said you'd want to see them before we went in.' He said as he handed the children to Jac.

Jac knelt down and kissed Freya on the head. 'I love you.' She said and she pulled her two beautiful girls into a tight hug.

Inside, Oliver was still shaking. But when the music began, he knew that he was in the right place. Suddenly the door opened and Grace and Daniel appeared hand in hand. They walked together down the aisle, grinning nervously. Then came Sam, Freya ran ahead towards her Father and was scooped up into his arms, making her giggle greatly. Sam and Milly followed behind, Milly looking around at all the people staring at her.

Then, Greg and Sahira appeared linking arms, they walked down the aisle, Joseph and Connie not far behind. As they reach Oliver, they stood on either side of him awaiting the entrance of the bride.

'Please stand.' Said the vicar.

Jac took a deep breath and linked her arms with Elliott. They walked slowly down the aisle, and Jac watched all the happy faces around her; she was so surprised that so many people had come. Even those who had disappeared from her life, stood around her; admiring her beauty. Jac had not ever thought she was beautiful, she wasn't vein and she had very low self-esteem, but today she felt beautiful. She felt as if she deserved those eyes on her, she deserved to be loved, she deserved Oliver.

Oliver watched as the love of his life walked towards him, she was stunning. He'd never seen her look so happy and so beautiful. The grin on her face was a giveaway that she loved him. He could see the silver necklace around her neck sparkling in the light.

As she reached him, she kissed Elliott on the cheek and turned to face him. Their eyes locked instantly. 'I love you.' mouthed Ollie as he took her hands in his. 'I love you two.' She mouthed back.

'Family and friends, we are gathered her today to witness these two people become one and begin their lives as a married couple.' Began the vicar. 'Before we begin, I am obliged to ask, does anyone have any reason why they may not be joined together in holy matrimony.' Nothing was said to the relief of everybody.

'Good. Do you Oliver James Valentine; take the Jacqueline Elizabeth Naylor, to be your lawfully wedded wife. To love her and protect her through the goods and the bads, the ups and downs, till death do you part?'

Jac gazed deeper into his eyes, waiting for the two word answer that meant the world to her and finally it came. 'I do.'

'And do you Jacqueline Elizabeth Naylor; take the Oliver James Valentine, to be your lawfully wedded husband. To love him and protect through the goods and the bads, the ups and the downs, till do you part?'

'I do.' Said Jac happily.

'And we may now proceed with the rings.'

Jac turned to Connie who handed her a plain silver ring, Oliver did the same and Greg handed him a silver ring with tiny diamonds in it.

Oliver slowly slid the ring onto Jac's finger and said. 'I give you this ring, as a token of our marriage and the sharing of our lives together.'

Jac did the same and said. 'I give you this ring, as a symbol of my love at the commitment we have made to each other.'

'I now pronounce you husband, and wife. You may now kiss the bride'

The step towards each other and their lips locked together. They were both so happy, that they wanted to keep the moment forever; but obviously it wasn't possible, so when the kiss did finally come to an end, they both whispered the words 'I love you.'

They heard the room fill with applauds and they walked back down the aisle hand in hand. They were the happiest people on earth, and nothing would ruin their day for them.

At the reception, the hall was already filled with people, awaiting the arrival of the happy couple. Jac and Oliver came striding in, hand in hand and large grins on their faces. They were greeted by a crowd of their friends wishing them the best.

'My wife and I would like to thank you all for joining us today, if you could all make your way through to the dining hall where we shall eat.' Said Oliver, ushering everyone through into the next room.

In the middle of the top table, were Jac and Oliver, next to Oliver was Greg who was sat next to Oliver's parents, next to them were Joseph, Sam and Sacha, on Jac's side, she had Connie, then Elliott, Sahira and Chrissie.

After everyone had eaten, the speeches began, starting with Greg

'For those of you who don't know me, I'm Greg.' Began Greg. 'When Oliver first asked me to make a speech at his wedding, I decided to research the role, and according to tradition, I'm supposed to sing the grooms praises and tell you about his good points, but I'm very sorry to say that I can't sing and I won't lie. But seriously, I don't think that Ollie could have found a better match. I remember when Jac first found out that she was going to mentor him; she wasn't a happy bunny to say the least. I vaguely remember standing outside Hanssen's office, listening in on the earful she was giving him. Anyway, I'm going to cut this short and ask you all to raise your glasses in the air. I wish you both a life time of happiness, to Jac and Ollie.' Said Elliott.

'To Jac and Ollie.' Said everyone as they raised their glasses in the air.

'I first of all want to thank a lot of people for today. First of all Greg, for everything you've done over the last few months, arranging the stag do and for your wonderful speech. I also wanted to thank Tara for covering for me at work when I had to have a suit fitting. And to Sacha and Joseph for being there for Jac and I. And the main person I want to thank is my beautiful wife Jac, for marrying me and making me the happiest man on earth. I love you so much and I can't wait to begin the rest of my life by your side.' Said Oliver. 'So, I would like to make a toast, to Jac.'

'To Jac.'

After the toast, Jac stood up. 'Right, I know that I'm not supposed to do a speech, but when have I ever played by rules.' She began. 'I want to thank my maid of honour, Connie, for everything she has done, for being the most amazing friend and for looking absolutely beautiful today. I want to thank my other two bridesmaids, Sahira and Chrissie, for looking stunning as usual and for just being fantastic. Thank you to, Elliott, my surrogate Dad, I don't have any family to be there, so thanks for being my father figure and for being the person I look up to. My final thank you is to my new family, Oliver, Freya and little Amelia, I love you more than anything and thank you for everything.' Said Jac tearfully. 'Oh and thanks for making me cry.' She joked.

'Now that the speeches are done, I would like everyone to make their way through to the next room where the bride and groom will have their first dance.' Said Greg standing up.

Everyone walked through to the hall and stood around the dance floor. Jac and Oliver had spent a long time deciding what they would have their first dance to and after a lot of thinking, they come to the conclusion that 'Marry me' by Train was the best song choice. Oliver had played it to Jac, the morning after they'd got engaged and they both knew how much it meant to them.

They walked out onto the floor, and Jac wrapped her arms round Oliver's neck and he wrapped his round her waist and as soon as the music began, they started to dance. They gazed into each other's eyes and smiled lovingly.

When the lyrics of the songs were _'you wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you.' _Oliver mouthed it to Jac, earning a soft kiss on the lips and 'I love you' to be whispered back into his ear.

'_Promise me, you'll always be, happy by my side.' _Went the lyrics.

'I promise….'

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed, please review :)<strong>


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